It's Been a WHILE

Wow,
I'm totally ashamed of myself.
Its been forever since I've written here.
Sorry Brooke, since this is basically just a diary
It's been busy
Gidget died
Doozer died
Gram got a new puppy
Tiger Died
We got a new ferret
Hastings moved
I have a summer job at home depot
I got pretty good grades for the semester
We went and saw the Lion King
We went and saw Rent
Life has been super busy

Bad News

I should be studying, but I really can't focus, I haven't been able to focus all day.
We found out Yesterday that Doozer has Lymphoma... Looking online he probably has juvenile lymphoma which basically means he doesn't have too long....
We're gunna get him a prescription medication that will hopefully make life more comfortable for him. Blah!
I wasn't expecting that news! I was thinking he had Moose's problem or something..... the vet was talking about all kinds of treatment options (not that you can cure it) and I was kind of frozen in shock. We can't afford all that crap! And it would only expand his life about 6 months!!!! Sigh
Jayde asked how long he had left. I wanted to cry.... thank God I replied with hard to tell... As reliable as the internet it, most info I could find said that juvenile lymphoma is extremely swift.... As soon as he starts having a hard time breathing and coughing he'll only have about 2 weeks left. I hope that's a while off.
I just bawled last night.... which is good because I don't think I would have slept otherwise. And everytime someone brought up something that reminded me of Doozy's problem I started crying, which is embarressing when you're sitting in the middle of class talking about pre-school children.
Well, what can you do but enjoy the time you have left with him... From now on, only happy thoughts about my baby boy! He'll be okay, hopefully this medicine will work out for him....

Old Hobbies die hard

So I've decided that if Pokemon make me happy, I'll just let myself indulge in this odd obsession....
Sigh, I just love collecting those cards.
As for my other hobby I'm planning on starting, I'm waiting until Spring then I'll start

Spring Break

Spring Break was really interesting for me. First, Jay really didn't want to go to work with me home all day, poor kid. So, he ended up using 2 vacation days to stay home for 2/5 of the week. Which was fun.
I went for a hike nearly every day of the week, except Tuesday, because it was snowing.
I spent a total of 10 hours on homework, that darn timeline for history of science, and that was all.... Apparently a very large and time-consuming assignment.
Colton, Jay, and I went to see Watchmen.... I hated it. I'm just not that into gore and crap just for the sake of gore and crap. But I do like horror movies.... just not that into extra-violent super-hero movies, except Batman, but he's just too awesome.
Jesse and I hung out on Wednesday, I forgot how talkative she was... wow....
I visited Mr. Moore and Mr. Fuller, it was good to see my substitute father-figures. Sadly, I've given up trying to hide that's what they were, it was how it was. Family-life just sucked at that point in time.
Friday we went to Hastings' and Jayde's house and had that extra-wonderful stew she makes (MUST GIVE ME SOME KIND OF RECIPE BEFORE YOU LEAVE HASTINGS) and watched our favorite sleuth. Poirot, I'm starting to get back into that obsession.
SATURDAY WAS FUN! We had kind of a lame hike because the dang leopards think they own the state, but after that we had some fun.
Jay and I went to The Outdooor Expo, and we got excited about the summer. There was a lot of hunting stuff there that was imteresting to at least look at. I'm gunna go fishing this summer, darn it!
THEN! Dinner at the Mayan. :D Seeing Grandma's face when her children told her they were sending her to Hawaii, something I'll never forget, happy tears.
:D
Oh, I got glasses too! They're nice!

Unstable

I miss High School. I miss being able to do things that I wanted to do with absolutely no consequences. It didn't matter what I did with my time, as long as I kept my grades up (which has always been easy for me)
I feel like now everything I do matters! And I hate it. I We can't do anything without it affecting something. Not even our free-time and fun goes without consequences. it scares me. I miss my world of stability. I don't like the real world.
In my human development class we learned about a pyramid of needs we have to satisfy. The needs on the bottom are most important and have to be satisfied before the needs above even matter.
I feel like I'm in the safety level. And that all I can think about is security. Which I've decided is so very unfair to Jay. I use him for security more than I do for love/belonging.... it's not fair to him. I mean I do need him for the love/belonging level, and I feel like I've been to that level before, but right now, safety is all that matters. Which, by the way, hurts Jay and puts him down to the trying to find love/belonging level.
Hastings, help.... is this a stage that everyone goes through growing up. Feeling like the world is so unstable. That if I do one thing wrong I'm gunna ruin the rest of my life! I hate this feeling, and I want to get past it so I can grow. But how?
Quote of the day:"People never grow up, they just learn how to act in public." Bryan White

School is getting harder

It's about the time that the second biggest projects of the semester are getting started (The biggest doesn't come till the end)
I'm finding it hard to balance my time with all of it comin at me. I'm gunna do okay I think though.
For my Biology class, we have another test coming up.
For my Geology class, we need to start thinking of topics for our final report (not too bad)
For my CHF class (meh, this class isn't all that hard if you can keep on top of it)
My History of Science class is getting to individual presentations on books we were supposed to be reading so far this semester.... Mine isn't for a long while (In fact the final project is due before I get to present) but the thought is terrifying. EVERYONE (I mean it) in that class is a teaching major, and the the teacher outright told us he expects good presentations and no fear from the future teachers.... And here's where my fear of oral reports steps in. I think I could teach fine, it'll be something I know really well and it'll be high school kids at or below my level. I have often felt like I'm very far behind in my schooling than most people in that class.... all of them outgoing and it seems like in their last semester at Weber. So they're all more knowledgeable to me.... which for some reason just makes giving an oral report worse.... I can't afford to freeze up on this! And the book just plain sucked!
My Biology lab has a lab report due! AND THEY'RE SUPER-SPECIFIC!!! Anything can and will go wrong. Scientists are so darn picky! But at least I figured out how to make my graphs (stupid excel) Now for the long, arduous process of writing the darn thing. Wish me luck!
I know, it's not all that stressful, but the stressers are pushing on the parts that make me most anxious!
:D
Quote of the Day: "Things must happen when it is time for them to happen, a quest may not simply be abandoned. The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story." "But what if there isn't a happy ending at all?" "There are no happy endings because nothing ever ends."Smendrick and Molly in The Last Unicorn

Valentines Weekend!

Talk about one of those weekends that should never end.
I had such a wonderful weekend, starting with Friday on through Monday.
When I got home on Friday Jay had already taken Gabby for a walk and was playing his video game. I was, admittedly, very cranky. (My lab was very stressful, we had to classify ants into their different families or orders or something like that)But, Jay understood and just cuddled with me. I'm not sure we had dinner......I fell asleep really fast. Must have slept 2 and a half hours because when I woke up we were going to a movie with Dan and Brandy at 930. It was a good movie, and I was in a much better mood, and I got to cuddle some more.
Saturday, Valentines Day, was lovely. I woke up to Jay saying he would be right back. When I woke up again it was over an hour later and Jay still wasn't back. I was slightly miffed and went to check if he was playing his game. He wasn't.... so I went back to bed. Jay came down about 3 minutes later, cold, wet and cuddly.
We went upstairs, don't remember why, and when we went downstairs there were rose pedals spread out on the bed, with hot chocolate, cinnamon bears and roses. Such a sweet hubby I have.
From there we did some stuff that had to get done.... all fun and games.... got my ring cleaned *SHINY*
Then we went to work for one show. Which was pretty fun because everyone was happy (at first)
After that we went to Olive Garden. I know, mistake on Valentine's Day, right.... well it was fun!
We got our name on the list then walked around the mall for a while.... then we came back and waited for another hour.
Dinner was AWESOME!!! I tried Calamari, he he he... tastes like clams to me.... but it was yummy..... :D
After that we went to a movie with Colton, Inkheart.... It's got a FERRET!!!! Definitely on my list of suggested movies.
Then we woke up early to go to church.... so much fun..... not.
THEN we came home to take a nap..... yay.
THEN dinner with Jay's family and what's becoming a traditional game of scene it..... Jay's parents have watched way too much tv in their lives.... :D Which is all good. I helped out on the one Simpsons question.... he he he
We went home and the Amazing Race.... I had a few emotional moments (I'm on my period) because I have deemed the pair of hicks "Mom and Dad, " and I really don't want them to lose because I for some reason always want the underdogs to do well.... I cried when they showed us next weeks scenes and mom was lost....The couple we named "Dan and Brandy" lost.....
MONDAY
Jay wasn't supposed to stay home for Monday. But he did... which was fun for me.
We had breakfast with Jesse and then played a few hours of Mario... we wen to lunch with Kortney for her birthday. After that Jay played his game while did homework....
Grandma and Grandpa took us to dinner for their anniversary... :D
then we went to a Hale meeting which I can't write about right now...not until tomorrow.
It made me cry too
BUT it was an EXCELLENT weekend.... thank you honey-bear