Thursday, February 6, 2014

Starting 2014 and February Blues

Okay, I have to apologize, I haven't even thought about my blog since mid-January when I wrote half of this post... and I left the computer and got busy. I did discover that after I left the computer Charlie had posted this for me. So, you will probably read some stuff I've already written, but I promise I am writing new stuff in this post too.

I don't know how Brandy writes every week. I just plain don't have that much to say.


      Like I said. I don't have much to say. Life  has been busy, so there hash't been much time for living. Isn't it strange how that works?
     Jay and I have both been fairly happy. Jay has class four times a week, and that's been tough for both of us. He's really busy and when I get the chance to be home it almost feels like being a single mother. Now, I know that it's nowhere near that hard being lonely for 3 hours a night, but I do get lonely. Charlie can be a challenge when no one else is around. He seems to behave for everyone but me. :D
     Jay's been really good at getting his homework done this semester, so far. I am really proud of him. He's working hard, trying not to procrastinate. Yay Jay!

My parents just had their 25th year anniversary. Dad did something super sweet. He rented a limo! The best part? WE WERE INVITED! Yeah first limo ride ever! AND IT WAS STINKIN AWESOME. Then we went to a hibachi grill place in Ogden that I've always wanted to try. It's called Kobe grill. It was a beautiful place to eat. It had a little river, and fish and it was so much fun. Dad and Mom were so happy. I let my stomach get too full, and I didn't feel good after that, but it was fun.

We did run into a little bit of trouble. We discovered, after doing our taxes, that I have been paying practically no taxes all year long. I must have suddenly lost my brain while I was filling out my W-4, because even I am not stupid enough to claim 5 exemptions on my W-4. But, somehow that's what was put into the system. AND.... we're in trouble money-wise. Somehow Jay and I have to make up $2200. I cannot tell you how anxious this has made both of us. We now are in spending-freeze mode and we're trying not to buy anything unneeded. Also, we turned off the unlimited data on our phones. That actually hasn't been all that awful. But, I think I'm gunna want it back when all of this is over.

Well, Jay and I have had to pick up some extra shifts at work. I'm working like a crazy person at Hale, since my other job doesn't offer much in the way of overtime. Jay has picked up a couple days overtime at his job on Saturday mornings. It's been a strain, and we're both exhausted. And I miss my little Charlie boy.

To be perfectly honest, I've been pretty depressed since all of this tax and money stuff has started coming up. It just feels like no matter hard we try, something is trying to trip us up. And I know it's my fault, I should have been checking my paystubs, but I guess it's all a part of learning to be an adult. Speaking of checking my paystubs, I'm going to go do that right now.
And done. Looks good.
But yeah, I've been in a slump. It's been hard to pick myself up. As a result, there has been very little housework done, grades are falling behind, and I go to sleep incredibly early. I'll just hang on.


I've started making more home-made meals lately. Some of them have been awful, but a lot of them have been pretty awesome. I also discovered that I can of enjoy cooking. Well, I enjoy it unless I have a little voice saying, "Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma....." That gets pretty stressful.
But hey, if anyone wants a really good crockpot roast recipe.... yum... basaltic vinegar pot roast....YUM!

Since our tax problem, though. i've had to cut the more expensive meals and we've had a lot of hamburger helper and spaghetti... but those are pretty yummy. Also, since we've picked up extra work, we have done a lot of fast food because we don't have time to cook. Not so healthy.


Well, before our problem we were going snowshoeing every other weekend. AND IT WAS A BLAST! A plot of work, but a blast. Next year, I plan on doing this a lot. First, it's a lot of fun getting outside during the winter when I normally hiss at an open door letting in the freezing air. I hate being cold. But, I'm usually hot when I'm snowshoeing, so that's not a problem. Second, the dogs get out and they just love it. Third, it's beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Last, I got to spend some much-needed time with Jay.


Charlie is learning so much lately. This morning I was listening to him and he was counting to ten. He won't do it if he thinks I'm listening. But I heard him, he was doing it! I think he kept missing 6 though.
He FINALLY has his colors. He was telling me all of the colors of his cars the other day. I think he just had to make sure he had it down perfectly in order to show me. I don't know why. I wouldn't be disappointed in him.
He talks in complete sentences now all of the time. He's really good at explaining what he wants. He's also really good at talking back to me too. Little butt-head. He's starting to get in trouble for it, though.
It's nice that we can actually reason with him now. I can tell him to eat 3 more bites and he'll understand that if he does that he can get down. It's really nice. And he's really nice. Seriously, I love the little guy.

I've had this awful feeling that I haven't been the best mom and definitely won't be a great mom as I pick up more shifts at Hale and work more. And I've been really upset about it. I feel like he sees more of my Grandma than he sees me and it just doesn't feel g
ood knowing that that's just going to be what life is as a working mom.
I know I'm being ridiculous. I know we need the money and I HAVE to work extra at Hale. I know that without my job we wouldn't be able to afford a house or really any of the things we need. I know that I would go absolutely cray being a stay-at-home Mom. I know I have the summers off to spend as much time with Charlie as I want. But, it just plain hurts to drop him off at 6 in the morning and then, if I am lucky and don't stay and help a student, go see him for 10 minutes and change for Hale. Then pick him up at 6:30 for the night. That's if I'm only working 1 shift at Hale. If I work 2 shows, and there's a LOT of that coming up soon as we do more matinees for Les Mis, it could nearly 11 before I get to pick him up. It just breaks me.
Now, so far, I've only worked a few extra shows at Hale, it hasn't been too often. But in about a week... oh my. If I were you, I would stay far away from me. I'm gunna be one explosive piece of dynamite.
Now, I know Charlie loves me. And, I've been told MANY times by many GREAT and supportive people that I'm a better mom for making sure that my child is taken care of financially. I know that all of this will be over soon. We can do it, and I will always love my little boy and will do my best to take care of him.
Charlie just had his 2 1/2 month check up. He's average as far as height and weight are concerned, maybe a little on the tall side. He's as healthy as a horse and his doctor is impressed with his speaking abilities. She told me she thought he was going to be a very bright young man. Now, she might be saying that make me happy, but it worked. Nothing could make me happier.
Charlie was really excited to stand on the big boy scale and he has been talking about how the doctor looked into his eyes and ears since we went. Cute little guy.


Schools been good. My students are great this year and I feel like I do a good job. 
There are a few things that have been a little more than a thorn in my side this month, though.
1st, dang end of year tests. I hate them. They hurt the education process so much. That is all.
2nd, since I am in my first 3 years I am a provisional teacher and I have to do a bunch of stuff to help me be a better teacher. But, I've heard all they have to say very recently, in college. I feel like most everything we do is a waste of my time. And I don't have a lot of time to waste. Also, all of these people that are mentoring us have their own little biases to certain people, certain practices, certain colleagues form certain schools they were hired together from, and all the political crap is driving me crazy.
3rd, I am worried about how AP Biology works next year. It just makes me anxious. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, but you know me.
Really, though. I love teaching biology. I can't think of anything much better. There may be one other job that might be better for me out there. But, it wouldn't work out with the other things in life that I want. So I am VERY happy with my career choice.

Some Awesome Pictures