So Close, so close

I'm in my last week of the semester! (Minus finals) I can't wait for it to be over. I loved my classes (for the most part) this semester, I mean who couldn't love chemistry. But these 4 AM morning are killin both me and Jay. GOlly, I couldn't even face another semester of them. I need to take physics but the only time its offered next semester is 7:30. I decided to wait to see what the other semesters look like!
I've been so tired lately. I'm really not sure why. You'd think a body would adjust to early mornings after a while. I just can't shake this tired feeling. I'm excited for the break. I'm gunna finish my video game Okami (I started it last Winter!!!!) then a puzzle and then start kingdom hearts. Hopefully I'll get some books in too. Any ideas?

Quote of the Day: "You see a square, organic chemists see cyclobutane!" Professor Berghout

WAY TOO LONG!!!

It's been way too long since I've posted here. I guess a summer job and a busy semester will do that to a person. Still, what horror is this!!!!
Thanksgiving Weekend, I'm so excited. Jay and I get four days together. Though it'll be busy, I'm not letting him out of my sight if I can help it!
What I'm thankful for?
1. My husband, the supportive arm I need to get me through the week, through school, through that awful time of the month where everything is ten times worse.
2. My goofy, goofy family, old and young.
3. The fact that I am getting an education so I can hold down a job that will keep me amused for my life, hopefully.
4. A laptop that actually works.
5. Working on being more spiritual, but I just don't feel it today.
6. A place to sleep at night that has a comforting atmosphere.
7. Gabby, Penny, Even Miya.... all of 'em.
8. That the human brain can process these things called feelings so that we are able to think, feel, and imagine.

I'll try and post more often!

Quote of the Day:
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart

My fun Story

This is a very belated telling of this story, but I thought I ought to put it here, just to add to my "records"
You've probably already read this. And this is old....
June 15th

So, I’ve had a tooth ache since about last Saturday, and it was just getting worse. I was going to try to hold out till next Monday because we’re headed to Denver this weekend (as I type actually) and Monday would be my first day off when I got back. (I worked all this week, kinda) Wednesday I decided that Denver was going to really stink if I didn’t at least get to the dentist so he could give me something for the pain. I called Home Depot and told them I might be late. They were very understanding…. (I worked at 11 and the dentist could fit me in at 9)

Its been seven years since I’ve been to a dentist so I had no hope of him fixing me up that day and the pain being gone.

Well, it turned out my mouth wasn’t too bad. My wisdom teeth have come in, and on my top left side one of my teeth was rotting away, it was ‘salvageable” but the dentist advised against it, because it would be expensive and kind of a waste since I have other molars. My right side was the same, but since that side wasn’t what was hurting we decided to just do the top left for now. By the way the dentist was really nice…. We discussed the properties of Nitrous gas and other fun stuff. So, I got a wisdom tooth pulled, along with the rotter out. He also capped the tooth closest to the destruction. He prescribed Lortab and gave me.a BUNCH of gauze and sent me on my way.

Well, it was 10:15, I had plenty of time to get my prescription filled. The dentist warned me to eat with the lortab so I grabbed some pudding and fruit snacks.

I walked across the street to the Home Depot after getting the prescription filled, feeling perfectly fine. I got clocked in just in time to not be late and walked down to the front end. One of the head cashiers, Jamie, handed me my till money and sent me to the register closest to self checkout. I counted that, and then broke a lortab in half, like the dentist suggested. I then had a chance to get a spoonful of pudding in before there was a rush of people at my register.

I think I got 3 people checked out before this lady with some plants came up. I remember trying to grab her plant and then my vision going blurry and all brown and I felt faint.

I knew I was going to pass out, the last time this happened was in gym our senior year (but I was hidden from people there so no one knew) I called for Jamie because I couldn’t think of anything else to do. I remember thoughts racing through my head and then Jamie was holding me asking if I was okay . Luckily she had caught me. I passed in and out, and while I was gone they called an ambulance. Much to my disgust actually, because I don’t think a simple fainting spell warranted a trip to the emergency room.

Well, the paramedics came, and then Jay was there, someone had called him. Apparently I was pale enough that they took my vitals and shipped me off to the hospital. Ambulance rides are highly dramatized. My ambulance was quite boring. :D.

The next couple hours consisted of tons of the same questions, an EKG and an IV bag that wouldn’t drip. Jay and I got a couple of naps in between the people. I was really tired….

The hospital let me out with this amazing diagnosis; I had passed out because of the pain from the dentist, not eating that morning, the lortab, and a heavy period. My instructions were to rest, eat in the mornings and continue taking my iron supplements with some kind of fiber supplement (I don’t recall saying I was constipated)

I slept through the rest of the day, including a play at Desert Star. At least the tickets were free.

It's Been a WHILE

Wow,
I'm totally ashamed of myself.
Its been forever since I've written here.
Sorry Brooke, since this is basically just a diary
It's been busy
Gidget died
Doozer died
Gram got a new puppy
Tiger Died
We got a new ferret
Hastings moved
I have a summer job at home depot
I got pretty good grades for the semester
We went and saw the Lion King
We went and saw Rent
Life has been super busy

Bad News

I should be studying, but I really can't focus, I haven't been able to focus all day.
We found out Yesterday that Doozer has Lymphoma... Looking online he probably has juvenile lymphoma which basically means he doesn't have too long....
We're gunna get him a prescription medication that will hopefully make life more comfortable for him. Blah!
I wasn't expecting that news! I was thinking he had Moose's problem or something..... the vet was talking about all kinds of treatment options (not that you can cure it) and I was kind of frozen in shock. We can't afford all that crap! And it would only expand his life about 6 months!!!! Sigh
Jayde asked how long he had left. I wanted to cry.... thank God I replied with hard to tell... As reliable as the internet it, most info I could find said that juvenile lymphoma is extremely swift.... As soon as he starts having a hard time breathing and coughing he'll only have about 2 weeks left. I hope that's a while off.
I just bawled last night.... which is good because I don't think I would have slept otherwise. And everytime someone brought up something that reminded me of Doozy's problem I started crying, which is embarressing when you're sitting in the middle of class talking about pre-school children.
Well, what can you do but enjoy the time you have left with him... From now on, only happy thoughts about my baby boy! He'll be okay, hopefully this medicine will work out for him....

Old Hobbies die hard

So I've decided that if Pokemon make me happy, I'll just let myself indulge in this odd obsession....
Sigh, I just love collecting those cards.
As for my other hobby I'm planning on starting, I'm waiting until Spring then I'll start

Spring Break

Spring Break was really interesting for me. First, Jay really didn't want to go to work with me home all day, poor kid. So, he ended up using 2 vacation days to stay home for 2/5 of the week. Which was fun.
I went for a hike nearly every day of the week, except Tuesday, because it was snowing.
I spent a total of 10 hours on homework, that darn timeline for history of science, and that was all.... Apparently a very large and time-consuming assignment.
Colton, Jay, and I went to see Watchmen.... I hated it. I'm just not that into gore and crap just for the sake of gore and crap. But I do like horror movies.... just not that into extra-violent super-hero movies, except Batman, but he's just too awesome.
Jesse and I hung out on Wednesday, I forgot how talkative she was... wow....
I visited Mr. Moore and Mr. Fuller, it was good to see my substitute father-figures. Sadly, I've given up trying to hide that's what they were, it was how it was. Family-life just sucked at that point in time.
Friday we went to Hastings' and Jayde's house and had that extra-wonderful stew she makes (MUST GIVE ME SOME KIND OF RECIPE BEFORE YOU LEAVE HASTINGS) and watched our favorite sleuth. Poirot, I'm starting to get back into that obsession.
SATURDAY WAS FUN! We had kind of a lame hike because the dang leopards think they own the state, but after that we had some fun.
Jay and I went to The Outdooor Expo, and we got excited about the summer. There was a lot of hunting stuff there that was imteresting to at least look at. I'm gunna go fishing this summer, darn it!
THEN! Dinner at the Mayan. :D Seeing Grandma's face when her children told her they were sending her to Hawaii, something I'll never forget, happy tears.
:D
Oh, I got glasses too! They're nice!

Unstable

I miss High School. I miss being able to do things that I wanted to do with absolutely no consequences. It didn't matter what I did with my time, as long as I kept my grades up (which has always been easy for me)
I feel like now everything I do matters! And I hate it. I We can't do anything without it affecting something. Not even our free-time and fun goes without consequences. it scares me. I miss my world of stability. I don't like the real world.
In my human development class we learned about a pyramid of needs we have to satisfy. The needs on the bottom are most important and have to be satisfied before the needs above even matter.
I feel like I'm in the safety level. And that all I can think about is security. Which I've decided is so very unfair to Jay. I use him for security more than I do for love/belonging.... it's not fair to him. I mean I do need him for the love/belonging level, and I feel like I've been to that level before, but right now, safety is all that matters. Which, by the way, hurts Jay and puts him down to the trying to find love/belonging level.
Hastings, help.... is this a stage that everyone goes through growing up. Feeling like the world is so unstable. That if I do one thing wrong I'm gunna ruin the rest of my life! I hate this feeling, and I want to get past it so I can grow. But how?
Quote of the day:"People never grow up, they just learn how to act in public." Bryan White

School is getting harder

It's about the time that the second biggest projects of the semester are getting started (The biggest doesn't come till the end)
I'm finding it hard to balance my time with all of it comin at me. I'm gunna do okay I think though.
For my Biology class, we have another test coming up.
For my Geology class, we need to start thinking of topics for our final report (not too bad)
For my CHF class (meh, this class isn't all that hard if you can keep on top of it)
My History of Science class is getting to individual presentations on books we were supposed to be reading so far this semester.... Mine isn't for a long while (In fact the final project is due before I get to present) but the thought is terrifying. EVERYONE (I mean it) in that class is a teaching major, and the the teacher outright told us he expects good presentations and no fear from the future teachers.... And here's where my fear of oral reports steps in. I think I could teach fine, it'll be something I know really well and it'll be high school kids at or below my level. I have often felt like I'm very far behind in my schooling than most people in that class.... all of them outgoing and it seems like in their last semester at Weber. So they're all more knowledgeable to me.... which for some reason just makes giving an oral report worse.... I can't afford to freeze up on this! And the book just plain sucked!
My Biology lab has a lab report due! AND THEY'RE SUPER-SPECIFIC!!! Anything can and will go wrong. Scientists are so darn picky! But at least I figured out how to make my graphs (stupid excel) Now for the long, arduous process of writing the darn thing. Wish me luck!
I know, it's not all that stressful, but the stressers are pushing on the parts that make me most anxious!
:D
Quote of the Day: "Things must happen when it is time for them to happen, a quest may not simply be abandoned. The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story." "But what if there isn't a happy ending at all?" "There are no happy endings because nothing ever ends."Smendrick and Molly in The Last Unicorn

Valentines Weekend!

Talk about one of those weekends that should never end.
I had such a wonderful weekend, starting with Friday on through Monday.
When I got home on Friday Jay had already taken Gabby for a walk and was playing his video game. I was, admittedly, very cranky. (My lab was very stressful, we had to classify ants into their different families or orders or something like that)But, Jay understood and just cuddled with me. I'm not sure we had dinner......I fell asleep really fast. Must have slept 2 and a half hours because when I woke up we were going to a movie with Dan and Brandy at 930. It was a good movie, and I was in a much better mood, and I got to cuddle some more.
Saturday, Valentines Day, was lovely. I woke up to Jay saying he would be right back. When I woke up again it was over an hour later and Jay still wasn't back. I was slightly miffed and went to check if he was playing his game. He wasn't.... so I went back to bed. Jay came down about 3 minutes later, cold, wet and cuddly.
We went upstairs, don't remember why, and when we went downstairs there were rose pedals spread out on the bed, with hot chocolate, cinnamon bears and roses. Such a sweet hubby I have.
From there we did some stuff that had to get done.... all fun and games.... got my ring cleaned *SHINY*
Then we went to work for one show. Which was pretty fun because everyone was happy (at first)
After that we went to Olive Garden. I know, mistake on Valentine's Day, right.... well it was fun!
We got our name on the list then walked around the mall for a while.... then we came back and waited for another hour.
Dinner was AWESOME!!! I tried Calamari, he he he... tastes like clams to me.... but it was yummy..... :D
After that we went to a movie with Colton, Inkheart.... It's got a FERRET!!!! Definitely on my list of suggested movies.
Then we woke up early to go to church.... so much fun..... not.
THEN we came home to take a nap..... yay.
THEN dinner with Jay's family and what's becoming a traditional game of scene it..... Jay's parents have watched way too much tv in their lives.... :D Which is all good. I helped out on the one Simpsons question.... he he he
We went home and the Amazing Race.... I had a few emotional moments (I'm on my period) because I have deemed the pair of hicks "Mom and Dad, " and I really don't want them to lose because I for some reason always want the underdogs to do well.... I cried when they showed us next weeks scenes and mom was lost....The couple we named "Dan and Brandy" lost.....
MONDAY
Jay wasn't supposed to stay home for Monday. But he did... which was fun for me.
We had breakfast with Jesse and then played a few hours of Mario... we wen to lunch with Kortney for her birthday. After that Jay played his game while did homework....
Grandma and Grandpa took us to dinner for their anniversary... :D
then we went to a Hale meeting which I can't write about right now...not until tomorrow.
It made me cry too
BUT it was an EXCELLENT weekend.... thank you honey-bear

February, Feelin the Love

The first month of 2009, and spring semester, is over! Now, on to a new and hopefully more fabulous month. So far this year I've:

• Started what seems to be a new tradition for Friday nights, with Carrie and Jayde. It's been really fun to spend nights with them so far, and I'm sure we'll think of other activities. It's always nice to have quality time with your family.
  
• Planned out my Saturday Mornings for the summer. Though the prospect of waking up early on Saturday mornings brings tears to my eyes, I love hiking and it'll be great way to get into shape.
• Tried to bring my usual order and method back into play, it tried to escape last semester.... I blame chemistry.
• Have pretty much solidified what I want to do with my life. My current classes and education are just fueling my desire to learn more about the biological world.
• Figured out a way to reconcile my scientific and religious beliefs.... And though I hate talking about my beliefs, it was talking to other people that helped me figure out what exactly I believe!
  

• Have just fallen further and further in love with my husband!

On those lines of thinking, I guess I'll talk about Jay and I for a few moments. I don't know when the honey-moon period is over for most couples, but I'm sure Jay and mine period is going to be extra-extended! If it ever ends! Maybe I'm just horribly optimistic, but I don't see it ever ending! We've been together for a pretty long period of time now, and I don't think we've had a blow-out fight. We're both starting to get used to each other's strange little "things we do." And we still haven't had too big of a fight. They always seem big when we have them, but they're not. I don't think we've had a fight over anything serious yet, though. But we're both very forgiving towards each other so far. Anywho, I hope this lovely "period" never ends. I enjoy the nightly cuddles, the phone calls every few hours, all the love Jay gives to me, and loving him back!
Now.... what to give a man for Valentines Day?! I seriously need help here.... I can't do a teddy bear and card this year, I did thagt last year!
So I've kind of wanted to do something for a while. Let me throw something at you guys. I want to do my own kind of taxanomic "collection." It would involve finding an animal daily to look up. I think at first it would be an animal I see during my day, but after a while I'd just need to look some up online. With this animal I would get a picture (Or I was thinking a "sample" of things like insects, or even bird feather or something when possible) and I would also find it's official taxanomic classification and put that on a table along with important information on the species. Of course this would never be a complete collection, but that'd be okay, it could be a fun hobby. OR maybe since it would be my hobby I'd make it only animals I have encountered and not things I haven't seen for myself, or even at the zoo.... (Which means my wolf might be far off from now, hopefully August though)
I'd want to make this nice, so I'd have to put some money into it I think, you now, get pages laminated, or just those sleeves would work too.....
Let me know what you think? Give me ideas?
Quote of the Day:"Knowledge itself is power."
F.Bacon.

PROCRASTINATION!!!!!!!!!!

I am the world's biggest procrastinator.... seriously
Here I am at Hale, plenty of time to do my homework, and I'm writing in my blog..... WHY?!
Sigh... I haven't ever really had any problems with my procrastination.... I'm proud to say I'm smart enough to kinda glide through school so far.... SO FAR I haven't had a problem this semester either.
I know the worst has yet to come though, and I need to break the cycle. Sigh, but I'll probably procrastinate until it actually hurts me.... why can't I learn my lesson before I get hurt? Anywho.... I'm way too freaking tired to do my homework right now.... ask Jay, I have no energy today...
*SIGH*
I'm tired
What I'm grateful for:"Weekends."

Love just gets stronger

I'll admit I've been stressed these past couple of weeks.
Going up to Ogden everyday, school, Jay going to school and being gone all night. It's all been getting to me. But this weekend was way awesome.
I got tons of time with Jay this weekend, and I realized that when we spend time with other people, it does not compromise "our" time together, it actually enhances it.
Friday night I came home pissy and wasn't very much fun, poor Jay.
But Saturday was fun. We kinda went on a shopping spree in the morning (Bad Brooke and Jay) and after work we went over to Hasting's new apartment, and that turned out to be really fun. Hanging with the monkey and my aunt, he he. We even got a great meal and our trip to Yellowstone kinda started planned.... that was so totally ungrammatical. But I make it a point not to backspace, that way I make sure my true thoughts get put down.
Sunday started out kinda blah. Church is always so hard. But Sunday night was fun, we went to dinner at Jay's parents and stayed and played Disney Scene it with his parents and Laura. Something I actually know! YAY!
On Monday, Jay stayed home "Sick" So we went to a movie with Brandy and Dan. I was feelin pretty sick, so I slept through a lot of it. But I got to sit in Jay's lap, so I was at least happy :D.
I got a great husband.
And I realized that to get the most out of my time with Jay doesn't require me and him all alone and only paying attention to each other. It doesn't require anything, being together is being together, period.
Thanks family for the great weekend
What I'm grateful for: Once again, my pack!
Quote of the Day:"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is looking."

The Glass has a hole, let's give it a Bandaid

What an interesting week last week was. From my last post you can all tell that it started out fine. Things kinda had a downward slope last week. If you're interested in reading about my week, have at it. You might get a few chuckles.
Monday: Read my last post. If you're that interested.
Tuesday: The classes I'd rather not take but have to because they're fluff required for my major..... Well, they didn't go too bad, I didn't have my book for either of these classes. The people in my History of Science class all seem to have my major, kinda, theirs a few others in there. But they're all way farther along then I am. So feel out of place and stupid. All of these people are science buffs who've had nothing to do all their lives but play scientist. ANYWAY, the teacher is disorganized (like all scientists) so the class is really hard to follow.
I'm not saying I let this ruin my whole day, but I was a little stressed out. I can't remember what we did Tuesday night, I think we cuddled.
Wednesday: There was horrible traffic and I just barely made the train, lucky me. We watched a very interesting movie about the creation of Earth in Geology.
I was so happy to be back in biology that tears were forming in my eyes. It was tons of fun, I wore boots that day thinking the stand out for the bus ride was going to be bad like the days before when I didn't wear boots. It was a very pretty sunny and hot day. We went to work at Hale that night....
Thursday: Today was just plain upsetting.... not sure why. I failed a quiz cause my book had still not come, that made my day bad. And Subway sandwich from the day before was soggy, and I was hungry, so that sucked. I cried on the way home (I think the week was just getting to me) Jay came home early to help me stop.
Friday: I had a horrible sore throat when I woke up. It was awful. If I could I would have skipped school, but I had my first lab that day! So, Jay did the most awesome thing and took the day off and came with ME!!!!!! Hurray! So, the day was wonderful besides the sore throat. We went to a hockey game that I was totally miserable through but didn't want to leave cause Jay was enjoying himself. We came home and I fell asleep in my coat, jeans and hat.
Saturday: 2 AM I'm got up and stripped to nothing because I was dying of heat. Woke up at five and couldn't sleep after that, my throat KILLED!
We didn't really have money to go to the doctor, but there wasn't any other way to fix my problem. So went to instacare, copay 20 bucks, not bad. BUT there was no water fountain in the waiting room, and that sucked and was stupid. grrr we had to go find one. Idiots, you'd think you'd want one in there. ANYWAY Strep throat, shot in the butt, good to go. Not really. We went to lunch with my firends which was really nice, but awkward cause Jenelle's boyfriend was there and made an ass out of himslef in most of our opinions. So, as Jenelle suggested we go to her house we all made the excuse of having something to do, and ended up at Grandma's :D. We talked for a while, and Selina was being more understanding than usual and it was quite enjoyable.
I found some people to work for me, but we needded Jay to work because we needed the money. And that sucked. As soon as he left (seriously not even five minutes) something went wrong. We shall not speak of that.
I watched Poirot all afternoon long and was fairly miserable. Hastings kept good company, laughing at Poirot every once in the while, even though she wasn't in the room. She also watched Sox try and make his get away. Thank goodness for Hastings and an Absent Dee Ray. Gabby was happy I was home anyway, lol.
Sunday: My throat hurt so bad.... 4 AM, Jay gets up and makes me tea, such a great husband.
We skip church and sleep till I think 9. It was nice.... the we sat around ( I think) nutil we went to ny parents house to eat. That's a;ways fun... at least Gabby gets a walk out of it. We watched 24 with Carrie which turned out much more interesting than expeted, thanks guys.
I still felt like crap, the shot was taking forever to work. Jay was kind of distant all day, I think he was tired.
Monday:I was not prepared for another day of school. In the morning I still felt miserable
On the way, a homeless crazy guy in the trax wanted to talk... I indulged him, which was dumb, cause he missed his station, and I couldn't help him off of the next one. Thank God a young man came to my rescue.
The frontrunner dude said I needed a different bus pass. which was inconsistent with what I had been told before, but I figured I'd better listen. Classes went fine, I picked up a bus pass and was headed home, I was also feeeling tons better. Yay! Selina came and hung out for a while then we went to work.
I've done a lot of rambling. I thought I was explaining what had gone so wrong with my week. But I still don't understand why that week felt so bad. Besides the being sick part it was okay. I really need to keep my chin up I think. I hoped you enjoyed my Saturday as much as I did. :D
What I'm grateful for: My Pack, Awoowoowoo

My First Day

The first thing you got to know is how little sleep I got last night because of A) a sudden attack of hyperness and B) nightmares about not being able to make it to Weber and monster professors. So, this morning I had a small panic attack quickly cut off by my sweet husband (he knows me so well)
So, the ride went great. Only one thing went wrong, my handsfree set wasn't working, so even though it's dangerous I drove with my hand to my ear, I needed Jay to talk me through the morning. It's funny cause I dreamt that I couldn't call Jay cause my phone wouldn't work on the way to the trax station. lol
I got to class on time, and everything went great. My Geology class is going to be fun. My Zoology (Biology Weber style) class is a little intimidating, but this semester is on animals, so I'm super super excited! If I'm behind the rest of the class, I can always study up on stuff.
I had to wait 30 minutes in the cold snow waiting for my bus because I didn't know what time it comes, for now on 15 of those minutes will be spent INSIDE! lol.. once on the bus it was standing room only and I was feeling really claustraphobic. Could have been worse though.
So, I'm on my way home, and I really need to go to the bathroom because I didn't find time to go up there. I'm gonna go home, stop at Wendy's get laundry started, take Gabby for a walk and relax, I think.... sounds good to me. Cause tommorow is all new classes to worry about. :D
What I'm grateful for: Text messaging.
Quote of the Day:"Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda." Homer Simpson

New Years Resolutions

Happy 2009!!!!
Guess I should write down some resolutions....
1)Try and save money for Yellowstone out of each paycheck we get.
2)Put some money away in savings
3)Take Gabby for a walk EVERY day
4)Drink at least two glasses of water or one water bottle a day
5)Try to control my emotions more and not get over-stressed or upset and depressed as much
6)Accept that going to Weber isn't going to be difficult, that I'll still see Jay every day.
7)Support Jay better
8)Help Jay with his homework as much as possible
9) (As soon as I get my books) Get all of my homework done on time
10)Actually study for tests... and finals
Ten resolutions are a lot, but I know there's a lot that needs to change, most of them will be pretty easy, especially the water thing...
Wish me luck, especially with numbers 5 and 6. I wish all of you luck on your resolutions.
What I'm grateful for:Long weekends with my husband.