I miss High School. I miss being able to do things that I wanted to do with absolutely no consequences. It didn't matter what I did with my time, as long as I kept my grades up (which has always been easy for me)
I feel like now everything I do matters! And I hate it. I We can't do anything without it affecting something. Not even our free-time and fun goes without consequences. it scares me. I miss my world of stability. I don't like the real world.
In my human development class we learned about a pyramid of needs we have to satisfy. The needs on the bottom are most important and have to be satisfied before the needs above even matter.
I feel like I'm in the safety level. And that all I can think about is security. Which I've decided is so very unfair to Jay. I use him for security more than I do for love/belonging.... it's not fair to him. I mean I do need him for the love/belonging level, and I feel like I've been to that level before, but right now, safety is all that matters. Which, by the way, hurts Jay and puts him down to the trying to find love/belonging level.
Hastings, help.... is this a stage that everyone goes through growing up. Feeling like the world is so unstable. That if I do one thing wrong I'm gunna ruin the rest of my life! I hate this feeling, and I want to get past it so I can grow. But how?
Quote of the day:"People never grow up, they just learn how to act in public." Bryan White