Ap conferenceMonday morning I woke up not feeling like myself at all. I was really tired and just depressed. Maybe not depressed, maybe just down because of my anxiety over the week and the load of stuff coming my way. Either way, I wasn't very happy or energetic all day. It was okay, though. I only had a curriculum meeting and 2 shows at Hale. You may sense some sarcasm there, but it really was for the best that I felt this way Monday and not the rest of the week.
Tuesday I woke up refreshed and ready to go. I was anxious, but feeling much more like happy Brooke-0. What was I anxious for? The AP conference that had been looming over my summer like a storm cloud that not only promises rain, but an end to the fun that summer brings.
I was worried that this conference would stress me out about the coming year. I was worried that I would find out that what I had been thinking was totally the wrong idea and that my anxiety would force me to start planning out my whole year with a fervor that no 6.5 month pregnant woman would have the energy to endure.
Well, actually, I had a lot of fun. First, one of my good friends from Weber was there and I got to spend a whole week with her. I made a lot of good friends up at Weber, but I am rarely able to connect with them because most of them are working up in and around Ogden.
The conference was great, too. Not only did I learn that my content knowledge is still strong enough that I won't have to spend a whole lot of time studying about what I'm teaching the day before (don't get me wrong, there are going to be a few days, especially where the data analysis is concerned, but I know my stuff pretty well) but I also found that my ides should work okay and I found a good curriculum map that I can base most of my year off of. I do need to start planning, but I am not feeling stressed about it, like I thought I would feel after the conference.
The biggest thing I got out of that conference was a huge boost in confidence concerning the labs. Before, I was planning on doing labs, but they looked terrifying and some of them seemed out of my reach. Well, we set up the labs and actually did them during the conference and talked about ways to save money if we don't have the budget or equipment required. It was great, now I feel so much more confident about setting up these labs that really were daunting before. I also have ideas about where I can save some money. I do plan on making a pretty big shopping list for my administration, but it won't be the end of the world if I get told no at this point.
I still do have my worries. I'm worried about planning with a new baby and I'm worried about grading. I think I'd worry about the sun coming up every morning if I had nothing else to worry about. But, this conference really did do more good than harm and I'm actually wishing I could go back next year. Too bad it cost my district $650 to send me... I doubt they'd think I need to go two years in a row.
I'm going to whine for a little bit right now. If you don't want to read whining please feel free to skip to Charlie. I totally understand, I hate listening to people whine, but I need to do it for a little bit.
This week has sucked as far as my body being something that I can actually stand to live inside. Every little task is utterly exhausting. Walking up the stairs to my bedroom is utterly exhausting. The worst thing about this is not being tired, but actually having to slow down and admit to myself (and others, and it's the others that hurts the most) that I'm not up to certain tasks or up to doing very much at all, really. I went and picked apricots for 15 minutes today, in the shade, and I came in feeling dizzy. And that was it, I was done in for the rest of the day. :( I hate feeling weaker than those around me. And I hate not being able to do all of the millions of things I stress out about needing to do. I want to clean my house because I'm know of those freaks who needs a house that isn't messy in order to relax. How can I relax of I know that there are dishes in the sink. But, instead of helping my husband clean a disaster of a ferret cage, I sat and did a puzzle. Gah! Not that I had any desire to play with the ferret poop, but I hate sitting while others around me are working.
The heartburn is back. I was up all night long Thursday night. Only past experience with it held me back from running to the ER. It's scary when you wake up and you can't breathe because your entire chest area is tense and every time you swallow your own spit it feels as if you opened the gates of hell and magma is rushing throughout your throat, heart, and lungs. Think I'm exaggerating? I'm sure those of you who've had heartburn with a canteloupe sized ball squishing your abdomen know that I have described the feeling aptly.
Then there's the complete inability to get comfortable and the constant backache. Oh, and don't forget needing to pee every few minutes because you are trying to avoid waking up screaming in the middle of the night because a Charlie Horse is wringing your leg muscles like a wet dish towel. Yeah, that happened this week, too.
This little boy is just incredible. He's so worried about me, with all of my pains. He keeps talking about getting me some medicine so I can be all better. He cuddles me. He asks if the baby is feeling okay. And, he is perfectly willing to be my little slave.
That said, he's almost three and has discovered an attitude... Oy. But I love him!
He has also started an interior decorating service that is the bane of all mothers. We lost some paint on our walls today and we couldn't even yell at him, we were too busy sleeping.
He has become good friends with his cousin Jayde, who moved in with us last week. He follows her around like a puppy dog, even of she tortures him almost every second they are together. Seriously, he ran into my room screaming and crying because she left the house. Silly child.
Well, not much else to talk about at the moment. Unless you like apricots.