Slightly Annoyed

Usually it's hard to think of what to say, today I have something on my mind. I hope that a few of my friends don't read this... it's okay the ones I'm worried about don't read my blog anyway, if you do happen to catch this post I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend, I'm just explaining my feelings on certain matters. The ones that do read my blog regularly might be interested to hear my feelings, and once again this is not meant to offend, just trying to tell you something.
Most of the time I'm willing to let a lot slide. If my opinions conflict I'm usually fine letting someone else get there way, or going along with the pack. But... I have a husband who has been ever so slowly trying to build my confidence and make me less likely to take any crap.
Sometimes with my friends, I get a feeling of inadequacy. And I know it's not helped along by how one of my friends firing off insults at certain intervals. She always has to get her say in, and it sometimes isn't very nice. Or whatever I've done that has made me feel good just isn't as wonderful as what she's done. To be frank, I'm tired of certain members of our party being less respected than others, and I think for the health of our relationship, it needs to stop...
Second... I'M MARRIED! It's time to accept that Jay is my number one priority now, sorry. I'm not going to miss a night with him, ever. If I can help it anyway. If my friends wanted me to sleep over they needed to do the one thing I asked for for our get together and that was to do it either at Grams or my parents... sometimes I feel like whatever I say is pushed aside, or laughed at. Sorry guys, I'm not budging on this issue... either we do the sleep over at a place where Jay is allowed, or you can just enjoy my company till I go home for the night.
I know it's hard to understand for those who haven't felt the way that Jay and I feel about each other. But it's a true feeling. We're ripped apart all day long,we don't want to be apart after that! And this semester is going to SUCK because there's going to be days where we don't get to see each other till 10 at night. Some of my friends would say Brooke, get over it. No, I never want to get over being away from my husband.
This is why it scares me that Jenelle wants to get married. She DOESN'T feel like this about Tim. I don't want to be a hypocrite and say Jenelle isn't ready for marriage, but it's my honest opinion that she isn't.
That's another thing. WHY DO I FEEL BAD THAT I'M MARRIED WHEN I GET AROUND SOME OF YOU!? I LOVE my new life. DO NOT bring it down. I've just started getting to the point where I'm not depressed about my life. Utah State for some unknown reason trashed my life. And my new life is what I needed to get out of the slump. Sound repetitive? It's because I'm trying to get into my head that this is MY LIFE, and I need to make it what i want and not what others want. PLEASE stop making me feel horrible for marrying so early. Jay and I are a perfect match, there was really no reason to wait. Especially if it's made me happy.
Sorry guys I needed to get that off my chest, not that any of you will read this. And I'd never have the confidence to actually tell any of you this, esp. cause it might not be taken seriously, or you might me insulted. I love all of you so much, my best friends, I swear.
What I'm Grateful for Today: My wonderful Husband's snores... they put me to sleep on the nights I sit awake.
Quote of the Day:"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got." Garth Brooks

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Well, there's never a better time than Christmas to enjoy being with your pack! And I have much to consider to be thankful for! Thanks all around to whoever takes the time to read this blog, cause you're the ones who care, really, thanks! Thanks to my Grandparents and Jay's parents, Christmas is gonna be very nice.
I love Christmas, it's gotten a little routine over the years, which is really sad. But hopefully Jay and I can create brand new, wonderful traditions that we can enjoy forever, or at least till we have kids, which I'm sure will add even new light to Christmas....
And a small touch on the religious side of Christmas.... I've never really had a Christmas when I've really thought about Jesus. It's odd to me. Now, going to church and living with a husband who does believe in Christ, it's actually nice to think about and be thankful for the birth of such a great person. Does anyone else, even if you're not religious, believe that pictures of Jesus are very beautiful. Well, to the non-religious, isn't wonderful that people think so highly of this person, that create such a beautiful representation of him. I'm thankful for that. I look at pictures of him and just stop, getting the chill I get when I see something that I think is "big!" Jesus is "big!"
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Quote of the Day:"God Bless us Everyone!"

My Pack comes to the Rescue Once again!

Things have been looking tough lately. Jay and I tried really hard to struggle alone. But my car had put us in an extremely tight position. But, as usual, when things seem most dire, the pack comes running in to help us fight our battles! They plunge into the fray head first and howling, a slight wag of the tail showing us everything will be fine.
My grandparents have very kindly excused us from our "rent" this month, and that gets us most of the way toward getting the car fixed. Jay's parents also offered us to lend us some money. You'll of course excuse me for a second. AWOOOWOOWOO a howl of appreciation and gratitude to all of my pack. Even the ones who helped with kind words of support and love. I love all of you guys!
This summer I'm getting a job and saving up to 1) get Jay's car fixed up. 2)Get a good down payment (or maybe all if I'm lucky enough) on a new car. 3)Maybe put a little away for Yellowstone too! Hopefully working at Hale more this semester will help out also.
What I'm grateful for: MY PACK!!!
Quote of the Day:“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.” - George Moore

Feels Like God is kicking us while we're down.

Okay, that's probably borderline blasphemy, sorry. I know God's not gonna give me anything I can't handle. BUT I CAN'T HANDLE ANYMORE!!!!!!!
WHY?! Why does my car have to break down at least once every freaking month, and just suck any extra funds we have into the black hole of the economy. WHY!? won't AAA pick up my car. And why do days that were going so well have to turn ugly so suddenly. AHGG, is it really a reason to cry!? Probably not, but bawling I am. Things are just going from bad to worse for me and Jay. Nothing has really gone right at all for us in the last couple months, which throws a damper on our lovely newly-wed life that we're supposed to be having.
AND apparently I've been driving around without insurance. Cause AAA won't pick up my car because I'm not on the account.
Why isn't anything working out! :'(
I need Jay. If he were here nothing would go wrong. I always manage to cause all of the trouble, and he sits there helpless at work.
What I'm grateful for: STUPID car didn't break down on the freeway this time

Chopped the Hair.... chopped off SLCC!!!

YAY! Fall Semester is OVER!!! And so is my time at SLCC, sadly, I like SLCC! But, on to new experiences..... I'm starting to get excited to go to Weber. So, it'll be fun. Yeah, cutting my ties with slcc. Hopefully I'll pass all my classes and get my associates, right?! :D
And, ifyou couldn't tell by the picture, I now look like a boy, well that's according to others.... I like my hair, so... HA HA.... I defy all of you who were against it... (I don't think I really look like a boy... Steven does, dorky little brother, he's never nice.
Quote of the Day:Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.

Brooke-o on a Wednesday Afternoon

Today is just one of those day.... I should have been studying for a history final but all of the motivation has been sucked out of me for the day.... so it's just been a sit-around day for Brooke.... yup, I was lazy today and proud of it.... :P
I guess I did vacuum and clean our room a bit. I didn't want to tell Jay because I want to surprise him. Hopefully he notices. Yes, Brooke doesn't clean very often, sadly, that's one of the things I'm not obsessive-compulsive about... I know, I'm an odd one... AND yes, just ask Jay, I'm extremely obsessive about other things, including the order the towels get washed and used and stacked in.... :D He probably won't read this so it won't ruin the surprise... but you should see the wad of Gabby fur that got vacuumed up!
Gabby is practically glaring at me because I haven't taken her for a walk today.... sigh, I don't feel good... so, mutt, for today the walk is out... Maybe I'll let her run around outside.
I have Hale tonight, I have a sneaking fear that Linda is gonna have us Audience Watching tonight, sigh, I guess our turn is coming, I hope it's the five so we get paid better....
I really don't have much to talk about today.... but I wanted to write to make the time go faster... and for any of you who were thinking I'm in a depressing mood, you're wrong. I'm actually very happy today, just don't feel very good. I was hoping all of the random smilies in here would give you hints to my mood! :D
Love ya'll
What am I grateful or happy about today.... Video games! I love 'em... great stress relievers... and just plain fun... I beat the second Kingdom Hearts yesterday!!!

Quote of the day: is a poem! "He was lost!-not a shade of doubt of that;
For he never barked at a slinking cat,
But stood in the square where the wind blew raw
With a drooping ear and a trembling paw
And a mournful look in his pleading eye
And a plaintive sniff at the passer-by
That begged as plain as a tongue could sue,
"O Mister! please may I follow you?"

A lorn wee waif of a tawny brown
Adrift in the roar of a heedless town.
Oh, the saddest of sights in a world of sin
Is a little lost pup with his tail tucked in!
He won my heart, for I set great store,
on my own Red Beaut, who is here no more.
So I whistled clear, and he trotted up,
and who so glad, as that small lost pup.

Now he shares my board and he owns my bed,
And he fairly shouts when he hears my tread;
Then, if things go wrong, as they sometimes do,
and the world is cold, and I'm feeling blue
He asserts his right to assuage my woes
With a warm, red tongue and a nice, cold nose
And a silky head on my arm or knee
And a paw as soft as a paw can be.

When we rove the woods for a league about
He's as full of pranks as a school let out;
For he romps and frisks like a three months' colt,
And he runs me down like a thunderbolt.
Oh, the blithest of sights in the world so fair
Is a gay little pup with his tail in the air"

Arthur Guiterman

The snow on a dreary day

I haven't see the sun all day. I never used to think I was affected by the weather, (winter-time has usually been a happy time of year) but this year, I think it's really getting to me. Whenever it's a dreary, sunless day like this one, my mood seems to plummet. All I can think of is Jay all day and how we're not together and how we never have enough time together.
And it makes me sick, I just had a good weekend with him, though it went too fast. I need to love the time I have with Jay and create a life for myself while Jay's at work. HOPEFULLY, I'll begin to realize soon that that life needs to focus around school for now. It's just hard, I know, get over it!
On sunny days I do better, I realize I need to enjoy what I've got for now when the sun shines. And my mood is 100% better.
Well, life is about to get extremely boring for a few weeks, but I think it'll be dampened by the upcoming return to school and my first semester at Weber. I'm so scared, for some reason, of going to Weber.... It seems so far away, but it's only about an hour drive....Just scares me though... I hate change... Can someone just call me everyday for a couple of weeks while I'm up there to keep me from breaking down up there, like I did at Utah State... *breathe girl Breathe* I just need to remember I will be coming home EVERY DAY!
Oh boy.... what a foul look on school
Almost forgot, happy thought for the day: ONE MORE CHEMISTRY CLASS, WISH JAY AND ME LUCK ON TOMORROW'S FINAL! :D okay so I'll have chemistry for another 2 or tree years, but such is life. :D
Quote of the Day:"Live life to the fullest... think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert."

Looking at things the wrong way round

For some reason school (college anyway) just hasn't been fun for me. I've just hated it and wanted to get on with life. I look at my next semester, transferring to Weber, and it scares me and I totally dread it. I don't even give it a chance... plus the change it will bring scares and depresses me.
I need to enjoy what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I have the worst attitude about it. Of course it's no fun if I look at it as no fun. I've been told many times that perspective is what matters, it's just hard to change a perspective once you've judged it. I need to completely turn around... Enjoy school, cause I'm sure I'll be missing it later.... I miss being the happy-go-lucky person I was before I started school, (I'm sure Jay does too) it still shows through sometimes, it's not dead, I just need to bring her back! I let Utah State get to me.... let it sour my college education... :) And I should remember that me and Jay still have YEARS together... a little time apart won't kill us, just slightly wound us...
I''m feeling better right now, promise... :D More to come from your one and only Brooke-0!
Quote of the Day:"If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl. But whatever you do, keep moving." Martin Luther King

Missing the Wonderful Weekend

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving Weekend, I sure did. Besides a few minor difficulties it was pretty much perfect.... only problem is that all of that time with Jay has spoiled me, and now I'm just sad.
Today has just been bad so far. We had a horrible test in my class today, and I think my turn signals have stopped working on my car.... I'm so tired of my car right now.... I'm almost ready to just sell it for scrap metal!
We're gunna go to a chemistry review for the test we have tomorrow... It's not a final, but it's going to have tons of info on it, so we have to prepare. We're going to have a final review too, I hope it's not going to be too hard for us too attend, wonder when it is? I'm just hoping for passing grades for both of us, that's all I want....
I need to figure out a time to get up to Weber... hoping Jay can come with me!!!!!!! So scared... Sigh, back to the old grind, and I think I'm going to go hide behind a video game for right now.... I'm just not in the shape to handle much right now...