Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Usually it's hard to think of what to say, today I have something on my mind. I hope that a few of my friends don't read this... it's okay the ones I'm worried about don't read my blog anyway, if you do happen to catch this post I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend, I'm just explaining my feelings on certain matters. The ones that do read my blog regularly might be interested to hear my feelings, and once again this is not meant to offend, just trying to tell you something.
Most of the time I'm willing to let a lot slide. If my opinions conflict I'm usually fine letting someone else get there way, or going along with the pack. But... I have a husband who has been ever so slowly trying to build my confidence and make me less likely to take any crap.
Sometimes with my friends, I get a feeling of inadequacy. And I know it's not helped along by how one of my friends firing off insults at certain intervals. She always has to get her say in, and it sometimes isn't very nice. Or whatever I've done that has made me feel good just isn't as wonderful as what she's done. To be frank, I'm tired of certain members of our party being less respected than others, and I think for the health of our relationship, it needs to stop...
Second... I'M MARRIED! It's time to accept that Jay is my number one priority now, sorry. I'm not going to miss a night with him, ever. If I can help it anyway. If my friends wanted me to sleep over they needed to do the one thing I asked for for our get together and that was to do it either at Grams or my parents... sometimes I feel like whatever I say is pushed aside, or laughed at. Sorry guys, I'm not budging on this issue... either we do the sleep over at a place where Jay is allowed, or you can just enjoy my company till I go home for the night.
I know it's hard to understand for those who haven't felt the way that Jay and I feel about each other. But it's a true feeling. We're ripped apart all day long,we don't want to be apart after that! And this semester is going to SUCK because there's going to be days where we don't get to see each other till 10 at night. Some of my friends would say Brooke, get over it. No, I never want to get over being away from my husband.
This is why it scares me that Jenelle wants to get married. She DOESN'T feel like this about Tim. I don't want to be a hypocrite and say Jenelle isn't ready for marriage, but it's my honest opinion that she isn't.
That's another thing. WHY DO I FEEL BAD THAT I'M MARRIED WHEN I GET AROUND SOME OF YOU!? I LOVE my new life. DO NOT bring it down. I've just started getting to the point where I'm not depressed about my life. Utah State for some unknown reason trashed my life. And my new life is what I needed to get out of the slump. Sound repetitive? It's because I'm trying to get into my head that this is MY LIFE, and I need to make it what i want and not what others want. PLEASE stop making me feel horrible for marrying so early. Jay and I are a perfect match, there was really no reason to wait. Especially if it's made me happy.
Sorry guys I needed to get that off my chest, not that any of you will read this. And I'd never have the confidence to actually tell any of you this, esp. cause it might not be taken seriously, or you might me insulted. I love all of you so much, my best friends, I swear.
What I'm Grateful for Today: My wonderful Husband's snores... they put me to sleep on the nights I sit awake.
Quote of the Day:"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got." Garth Brooks