Nothing seems the same lately. Things have become so regular, so daily, so all the time, that I'm having the hardest time seeing the pleasure in it anymore. Blah! Last night... oh last night... Jay and I had a night that brought me back to the time (however short that was) when we were dating. We took a walk, to the park... watched some movies (and, like when we were dating I fell asleep) well, he woke me up and we... yeah... It was like it was when we were dating... soooo lovely.... SO LOVING!!! why can't things be like that anymore?! It's not like we don't do those things anymore... we take walks all the time, we watch movies and I fall asleep and we yeah. What happened yesterday that made it so special? I miss the newness of everything I guess. Yet, I hate new things.. hate learning the hard way. I love Jay so much, both of us have been so pissy lately (Yes, my time of the month has come... and is back with a vengence after 2 and a half months abscense) I wish I could control my temper... my hormones are all out of whack, and I suppose they will be until we decide that it's safe to take the chance of having a little friend join our party. I just wish that Jay would understand and not get upset with me when I'm having a hard time... He does get upset cause I mope around, or get set off by anything... but I don't mean anything by it... it's just part of my cycle... I have my ournery days... like any woman... but he doesn't really get it. He gets angry... and then we have problems... and then all parties are upset and then we have to make up, which can be harry or not too bad... I'm sorry I'm ranting about Jay... I only get frustrated because I love him so much, or I wouldn't care... I'd just deal with it.
I'm sorry honey if at my time I become a royal pain in the butt. I REALLY DO TRY TO CONTROL IT!! I hate it when y ou get upset... I hate it when I get upset... I miss the time when we were too scared to upset each other for fear of it hurting our new relationship... :D But... there will be good times and bad times. I am still afraid of upsetting you... just because I want to make you proud, and I don't want to argue.... We really need a system... we need to work one out...
Also, can anyone, besides Jay, (he tries, but doesn't like science or believe it really :D) tell me how to reconcile my religious beliefs and my belief and love of the Theory of Evolution. I can't not believe in evolution... I'm a scientist to the heart, and it just makes so much satifactory sense! But how can I not believe in a God who came up and manages this science... the world is just too wonderful and complex to not have a higher power in control!
Jay, you're my bestest friend in the whole world, and my love! Please don't get mad at my rant that I can't really say to your face because I just need a time for you to listen, or read, and not say a word.... now it's your turn... rant about me... please... tell me what to change... try not to get mean, like I tried extremely hard not to do.... and letvme know your feelings!!!!