Monday, October 6, 2008

Howling For My Pack Mate

It's sad, but true. I miss Jay everyday when he goes to work. I constantly think of him and only him. It's insane that I miss him so much, I know that. I see him every day! I know better, but I just feel so lonely when he's not here.
He's really the only one (okay Brandy nearly beats him here) who knows me, and knows my thoughts. Not wanting to offend, I don't usually say everything that's on my mind to anyone else (Except maybe Brandy, when she's around)
Jay's depressed too. Not about being married to me, thankfully, :), no.. He's tired of being where he is. We're very busy, and it's hard. Getting back to school is hard for him, especially because of chemistry. I think, like me, he just wants to get a career started, something he'd enjoy. Instead of being stuck in an office wasting away all day long. As he thinks of it. I'm very proud of Jay for working for us. He's my hero.
So... every day as he drives away a small tear that I couldn't hold back seeps out. It's not fair! I'm a stronger woman than this. But this guy has me pegged! Which I suppose is a good thing. The problem is dealing with being lonely for the majority of the day!
For now we have lunches together, which is bad thing because it's a waste of gas... NOT A WASTE to me. I love every moment I'm with him.
But next semester I head off to Weber State, just for the days. It scares me.... I want to enjoy school, but the incredible loneliness swallows me up. I'm afraid of the strangers I will meet every day on the bus. Everyone has their own story, most never will hurt anyone, most.
I've always been afraid of meeting new people. I don't know why, but I hate it. Sadly, it's a reason I'm so dependent on the people I know. Something I need to change. Lunches with Jay will soon end. Cheaper, but depressing.
Maybe I need help. I know I need to get out of my shell, but I'd prefer not too. I hate changes...
Guess it's something I'll have to get over, missing my Jay. Eventually I'll be able to get through a day without missing Jay, hopefully not....
I love Jay
Quote of the Day:“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack."
~ Rudyard Kipling


CassandJayde said...

Missing Jay is a good thing, my friend. It means your love is strong. And, if you're lucky, that will never go away.

Brooke Funk said...

That's true... I love JAY SOOO MUCH!