Slightly Annoyed

Usually it's hard to think of what to say, today I have something on my mind. I hope that a few of my friends don't read this... it's okay the ones I'm worried about don't read my blog anyway, if you do happen to catch this post I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend, I'm just explaining my feelings on certain matters. The ones that do read my blog regularly might be interested to hear my feelings, and once again this is not meant to offend, just trying to tell you something.
Most of the time I'm willing to let a lot slide. If my opinions conflict I'm usually fine letting someone else get there way, or going along with the pack. But... I have a husband who has been ever so slowly trying to build my confidence and make me less likely to take any crap.
Sometimes with my friends, I get a feeling of inadequacy. And I know it's not helped along by how one of my friends firing off insults at certain intervals. She always has to get her say in, and it sometimes isn't very nice. Or whatever I've done that has made me feel good just isn't as wonderful as what she's done. To be frank, I'm tired of certain members of our party being less respected than others, and I think for the health of our relationship, it needs to stop...
Second... I'M MARRIED! It's time to accept that Jay is my number one priority now, sorry. I'm not going to miss a night with him, ever. If I can help it anyway. If my friends wanted me to sleep over they needed to do the one thing I asked for for our get together and that was to do it either at Grams or my parents... sometimes I feel like whatever I say is pushed aside, or laughed at. Sorry guys, I'm not budging on this issue... either we do the sleep over at a place where Jay is allowed, or you can just enjoy my company till I go home for the night.
I know it's hard to understand for those who haven't felt the way that Jay and I feel about each other. But it's a true feeling. We're ripped apart all day long,we don't want to be apart after that! And this semester is going to SUCK because there's going to be days where we don't get to see each other till 10 at night. Some of my friends would say Brooke, get over it. No, I never want to get over being away from my husband.
This is why it scares me that Jenelle wants to get married. She DOESN'T feel like this about Tim. I don't want to be a hypocrite and say Jenelle isn't ready for marriage, but it's my honest opinion that she isn't.
That's another thing. WHY DO I FEEL BAD THAT I'M MARRIED WHEN I GET AROUND SOME OF YOU!? I LOVE my new life. DO NOT bring it down. I've just started getting to the point where I'm not depressed about my life. Utah State for some unknown reason trashed my life. And my new life is what I needed to get out of the slump. Sound repetitive? It's because I'm trying to get into my head that this is MY LIFE, and I need to make it what i want and not what others want. PLEASE stop making me feel horrible for marrying so early. Jay and I are a perfect match, there was really no reason to wait. Especially if it's made me happy.
Sorry guys I needed to get that off my chest, not that any of you will read this. And I'd never have the confidence to actually tell any of you this, esp. cause it might not be taken seriously, or you might me insulted. I love all of you so much, my best friends, I swear.
What I'm Grateful for Today: My wonderful Husband's snores... they put me to sleep on the nights I sit awake.
Quote of the Day:"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got." Garth Brooks

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Well, there's never a better time than Christmas to enjoy being with your pack! And I have much to consider to be thankful for! Thanks all around to whoever takes the time to read this blog, cause you're the ones who care, really, thanks! Thanks to my Grandparents and Jay's parents, Christmas is gonna be very nice.
I love Christmas, it's gotten a little routine over the years, which is really sad. But hopefully Jay and I can create brand new, wonderful traditions that we can enjoy forever, or at least till we have kids, which I'm sure will add even new light to Christmas....
And a small touch on the religious side of Christmas.... I've never really had a Christmas when I've really thought about Jesus. It's odd to me. Now, going to church and living with a husband who does believe in Christ, it's actually nice to think about and be thankful for the birth of such a great person. Does anyone else, even if you're not religious, believe that pictures of Jesus are very beautiful. Well, to the non-religious, isn't wonderful that people think so highly of this person, that create such a beautiful representation of him. I'm thankful for that. I look at pictures of him and just stop, getting the chill I get when I see something that I think is "big!" Jesus is "big!"
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Quote of the Day:"God Bless us Everyone!"

My Pack comes to the Rescue Once again!

Things have been looking tough lately. Jay and I tried really hard to struggle alone. But my car had put us in an extremely tight position. But, as usual, when things seem most dire, the pack comes running in to help us fight our battles! They plunge into the fray head first and howling, a slight wag of the tail showing us everything will be fine.
My grandparents have very kindly excused us from our "rent" this month, and that gets us most of the way toward getting the car fixed. Jay's parents also offered us to lend us some money. You'll of course excuse me for a second. AWOOOWOOWOO a howl of appreciation and gratitude to all of my pack. Even the ones who helped with kind words of support and love. I love all of you guys!
This summer I'm getting a job and saving up to 1) get Jay's car fixed up. 2)Get a good down payment (or maybe all if I'm lucky enough) on a new car. 3)Maybe put a little away for Yellowstone too! Hopefully working at Hale more this semester will help out also.
What I'm grateful for: MY PACK!!!
Quote of the Day:“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it.” - George Moore

Feels Like God is kicking us while we're down.

Okay, that's probably borderline blasphemy, sorry. I know God's not gonna give me anything I can't handle. BUT I CAN'T HANDLE ANYMORE!!!!!!!
WHY?! Why does my car have to break down at least once every freaking month, and just suck any extra funds we have into the black hole of the economy. WHY!? won't AAA pick up my car. And why do days that were going so well have to turn ugly so suddenly. AHGG, is it really a reason to cry!? Probably not, but bawling I am. Things are just going from bad to worse for me and Jay. Nothing has really gone right at all for us in the last couple months, which throws a damper on our lovely newly-wed life that we're supposed to be having.
AND apparently I've been driving around without insurance. Cause AAA won't pick up my car because I'm not on the account.
Why isn't anything working out! :'(
I need Jay. If he were here nothing would go wrong. I always manage to cause all of the trouble, and he sits there helpless at work.
What I'm grateful for: STUPID car didn't break down on the freeway this time

Chopped the Hair.... chopped off SLCC!!!

YAY! Fall Semester is OVER!!! And so is my time at SLCC, sadly, I like SLCC! But, on to new experiences..... I'm starting to get excited to go to Weber. So, it'll be fun. Yeah, cutting my ties with slcc. Hopefully I'll pass all my classes and get my associates, right?! :D
And, ifyou couldn't tell by the picture, I now look like a boy, well that's according to others.... I like my hair, so... HA HA.... I defy all of you who were against it... (I don't think I really look like a boy... Steven does, dorky little brother, he's never nice.
Quote of the Day:Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.

Brooke-o on a Wednesday Afternoon

Today is just one of those day.... I should have been studying for a history final but all of the motivation has been sucked out of me for the day.... so it's just been a sit-around day for Brooke.... yup, I was lazy today and proud of it.... :P
I guess I did vacuum and clean our room a bit. I didn't want to tell Jay because I want to surprise him. Hopefully he notices. Yes, Brooke doesn't clean very often, sadly, that's one of the things I'm not obsessive-compulsive about... I know, I'm an odd one... AND yes, just ask Jay, I'm extremely obsessive about other things, including the order the towels get washed and used and stacked in.... :D He probably won't read this so it won't ruin the surprise... but you should see the wad of Gabby fur that got vacuumed up!
Gabby is practically glaring at me because I haven't taken her for a walk today.... sigh, I don't feel good... so, mutt, for today the walk is out... Maybe I'll let her run around outside.
I have Hale tonight, I have a sneaking fear that Linda is gonna have us Audience Watching tonight, sigh, I guess our turn is coming, I hope it's the five so we get paid better....
I really don't have much to talk about today.... but I wanted to write to make the time go faster... and for any of you who were thinking I'm in a depressing mood, you're wrong. I'm actually very happy today, just don't feel very good. I was hoping all of the random smilies in here would give you hints to my mood! :D
Love ya'll
What am I grateful or happy about today.... Video games! I love 'em... great stress relievers... and just plain fun... I beat the second Kingdom Hearts yesterday!!!

Quote of the day: is a poem! "He was lost!-not a shade of doubt of that;
For he never barked at a slinking cat,
But stood in the square where the wind blew raw
With a drooping ear and a trembling paw
And a mournful look in his pleading eye
And a plaintive sniff at the passer-by
That begged as plain as a tongue could sue,
"O Mister! please may I follow you?"

A lorn wee waif of a tawny brown
Adrift in the roar of a heedless town.
Oh, the saddest of sights in a world of sin
Is a little lost pup with his tail tucked in!
He won my heart, for I set great store,
on my own Red Beaut, who is here no more.
So I whistled clear, and he trotted up,
and who so glad, as that small lost pup.

Now he shares my board and he owns my bed,
And he fairly shouts when he hears my tread;
Then, if things go wrong, as they sometimes do,
and the world is cold, and I'm feeling blue
He asserts his right to assuage my woes
With a warm, red tongue and a nice, cold nose
And a silky head on my arm or knee
And a paw as soft as a paw can be.

When we rove the woods for a league about
He's as full of pranks as a school let out;
For he romps and frisks like a three months' colt,
And he runs me down like a thunderbolt.
Oh, the blithest of sights in the world so fair
Is a gay little pup with his tail in the air"

Arthur Guiterman

The snow on a dreary day

I haven't see the sun all day. I never used to think I was affected by the weather, (winter-time has usually been a happy time of year) but this year, I think it's really getting to me. Whenever it's a dreary, sunless day like this one, my mood seems to plummet. All I can think of is Jay all day and how we're not together and how we never have enough time together.
And it makes me sick, I just had a good weekend with him, though it went too fast. I need to love the time I have with Jay and create a life for myself while Jay's at work. HOPEFULLY, I'll begin to realize soon that that life needs to focus around school for now. It's just hard, I know, get over it!
On sunny days I do better, I realize I need to enjoy what I've got for now when the sun shines. And my mood is 100% better.
Well, life is about to get extremely boring for a few weeks, but I think it'll be dampened by the upcoming return to school and my first semester at Weber. I'm so scared, for some reason, of going to Weber.... It seems so far away, but it's only about an hour drive....Just scares me though... I hate change... Can someone just call me everyday for a couple of weeks while I'm up there to keep me from breaking down up there, like I did at Utah State... *breathe girl Breathe* I just need to remember I will be coming home EVERY DAY!
Oh boy.... what a foul look on school
Almost forgot, happy thought for the day: ONE MORE CHEMISTRY CLASS, WISH JAY AND ME LUCK ON TOMORROW'S FINAL! :D okay so I'll have chemistry for another 2 or tree years, but such is life. :D
Quote of the Day:"Live life to the fullest... think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert."

Looking at things the wrong way round

For some reason school (college anyway) just hasn't been fun for me. I've just hated it and wanted to get on with life. I look at my next semester, transferring to Weber, and it scares me and I totally dread it. I don't even give it a chance... plus the change it will bring scares and depresses me.
I need to enjoy what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I have the worst attitude about it. Of course it's no fun if I look at it as no fun. I've been told many times that perspective is what matters, it's just hard to change a perspective once you've judged it. I need to completely turn around... Enjoy school, cause I'm sure I'll be missing it later.... I miss being the happy-go-lucky person I was before I started school, (I'm sure Jay does too) it still shows through sometimes, it's not dead, I just need to bring her back! I let Utah State get to me.... let it sour my college education... :) And I should remember that me and Jay still have YEARS together... a little time apart won't kill us, just slightly wound us...
I''m feeling better right now, promise... :D More to come from your one and only Brooke-0!
Quote of the Day:"If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl. But whatever you do, keep moving." Martin Luther King

Missing the Wonderful Weekend

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving Weekend, I sure did. Besides a few minor difficulties it was pretty much perfect.... only problem is that all of that time with Jay has spoiled me, and now I'm just sad.
Today has just been bad so far. We had a horrible test in my class today, and I think my turn signals have stopped working on my car.... I'm so tired of my car right now.... I'm almost ready to just sell it for scrap metal!
We're gunna go to a chemistry review for the test we have tomorrow... It's not a final, but it's going to have tons of info on it, so we have to prepare. We're going to have a final review too, I hope it's not going to be too hard for us too attend, wonder when it is? I'm just hoping for passing grades for both of us, that's all I want....
I need to figure out a time to get up to Weber... hoping Jay can come with me!!!!!!! So scared... Sigh, back to the old grind, and I think I'm going to go hide behind a video game for right now.... I'm just not in the shape to handle much right now...

Good times a comin

It's so close I can almost taste it! I can't wait for this weekend... a full weekend of Jay. I couldn't ask for more. I guess everyone knows what who I'm thankful for! Thanksgiving, I sooo excited... Just need to clean a ferret cage! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Quote of the Day:"If you call one wolf, you invite the pack."
Bulgarian Proverb

My tire burst but not my Day

Today... boy what a Monday it has been.
First it was a late night last night and what little sleep I got was spotted with me waking up.... ha ha. Jay and I skipped the shower today and just slept in.... much needed, trust me...
Then I went to class... got home and tried to write an essay.
Then Colton came over... which is always fun. We went over to Slcc to get him some forms he needed to apply for school. After that we were going to go to lunch with Jay. Well, on the way over my front tire burst.... good thing there was a Colton there (THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH MY FRIEND!) One) He kept me calm, I didn't freak out and make the situation worse! Two) There was no way I was getting that tire off by myself, thank God for making man well, manly ;) Three) I had someone to stand with when my grandparents went to go fill my donut with air.
So, basically, having Colton around made my day tons better. I don't even feel bad right now... I'm a little worried about finding a new tire... but it'll all work out, hopefully. I'm still feeling pretty good. Got lots of homework to do... I'm hoping tonight goes well, and hoping Jay and I can get our homework done and not have any problems... only 9 problems though, we can do it!
Love you all,
Quote of the Day:"It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions
in favour of vegetarianism, while the
wolf remains of a different opinion."

Wolf-form

Just letting you all know, that if I could choose my form, this would be me in wolf-form...

A Lazy week for Brooke-0

I just haven't felt like doing anything this week, so far.... except for Monday. I got quite a bit done on Monday actually. But right now... I just want to read my book... I'll probably finish it today if I read as much as I did yesterday. Which is fine by me! I think we all have these weeks, okay I hope we all do, or I'm gonna feel like crap... ;)
I think it's because it's the end of the semester... and it's the last semester full of General classes for me... after this, the real deal starts, up at Weber... I'm slightly excited.
MOSTLY I'M EXCITED FOR TURKEY DAY!!!!! I love family get-togethers... and I get to get together with 2 families this year! I went to Jay's Parent's last year, but now i get to do it as actual married in family.... I don't know how it's any different, but it is. It'll be a full day of eating!!!! BUT, it'll be a relax day... a day without CHEMISTRY!!!!!!!! (maybe a little homework...) Mostly, it'll just be cuddle time. I loves cuddle-time....C'mon, I know you're all excited.
Finals.... wow, It's amazing how I don't even care this semester... I figure that except in Chemistry my final grade won't really be too badly effected by the final.... YAY Brooke! I like my brain... it's just so school oriented... it's like, I know how exactly what a teacher wants and that's what I put... I think I get it from Carrie
Quote of the Day:" A mountain with a wolf on it stands a little taller." Edward Hoagland

Why is it so hard?

Life... what a thing, ups, downs, turns, in betweens..... and then there are those times when all life consists of is crawling under that barbed wire... trying to get to that ending where you can stand tall and stretch. Just another couple of weeks!!! Things have just gotten so hectic... I've decided that I AM NOT getting a full-time job (or even a demanding part-timer) Watching Jay struggle and get sooo stressed has definitely proved to me how stupid it is to divide your time like that. Jay you're my hero for trying... I know it's hard baby... just gotta stay relaxed, calm, and keep trying as hard as you have been!
For everyone else, please understand how very stressed the two of us are... I know, not a very good reason.... but it's all I got... Life is hard, as I'm sure all of you know. We all just deal with it different ways.... we're working on it, promise....
I can't wait till the end of the semester. We'll finally be able to chill a bit... it'll be wonderful!

I'm fine....

Judging by some of your comments, I think you all think I'm not doing very well... Not to worry folks, I'm fine! I'm really a happy person, my mind has just been geared towards focusing on the negative lately.... esp. in my blog for some reason... nothing has really changed lately, so I try to find something to write, and what comes to mind are the bad things. For some reason that's just me right now... I'm easily offended and hurt and that's what I focus on. SO!!!! I've made a goal, partly thanks to your facebook comments and partly because of something, rather silly, that Steven said last night.
A guy had a heart attack (or so the rumor goes) last night at the theatre. Before we knew that our fellow usher, and manager, Randy came escorted him out and told us to get him a diet coke... so we did. When Steven told me he had had a heart attack I was a little loopy (I had just been hyper about an hour before and was losing energy) and replied, well... at least we gave him a diet coke to make him feel better. Steven gave me a funny look and said, "way to be positive Brooke, good job." And I thought, I do need to be positive... MORE! I've been a total mope lately... That's no fun, for anyone... SO I WILL WRITE ONE GOOD THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME EVERY TIME I POST SOMETHING. Even if I'm upset... if I don't, you all must remind me and I will revise my post....
I promise to you all that I'm really happy. Just stressed out, school will do that to you...
I'm trying to be more positive and show my happiness more, even when Jay's not around. I think I need more exercise, and I've heard that exercise makes you happier. I need more walks... it's just getting time to do that... I hate taking walks alone....
The website that I'm supposed to doing my homework on is down! YAY!!! Time to procrastinate! ( and I was really gonna try to get it done without distracti0ons this time) So... anyone want to go to Chemistry for me tonight? That class is starting to stress me out horribly (which is part of my problem). It's the teacher's second semester, so we're guinea pigs. Which stinks because he just rearranged how we're going to do homework and tests for the rest of the semester. Now, instead of assignments that we have like 2 weeks to do.. (Still hard because there are TONS of questions and like 5 questions to each numbered question!) We now have to make up 5 questions per lecture and manage to do about 16 problems per lecture. The 5 questions are do the week after the lecture... the others aren't due till after thanksgiving... so far, Jay and I have only been able to do one set of the 5 questions... it's insanity!!! Think of how much we're going to have built up by the time Thanksgiving rolls along... SIGH!!! Oh well, We'll live through it... I'm sure the guy realizes that he can't be to hard in grading his guinea pigs
:D
Love ya'll
Quote of the day:“Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door.” Saul Bellows

Thoughts of Wednesday

Tuesday, the bane of my and Jay's week, is over. Hurray! Also, more good news... no more chemistry labs, which makes the rest of the upcoming Tuesdays not so bad. Ah... it'll be wonderful to at least get a little more time together.
I'm finally a little more emotionally stable after a hard couple of weeks... Jay and I got along fine last night during class. (okay I was sick and a little pissy last night, but Jay handled it excellently in my opinion) After class we took a bubble bath which made me feel tons better. I slept like a baby, waking up only once very thirsty... thank goodness there was a Mountain Dew on the shelves next to the bed.
Today I'm feeling much better. My throat still hurts and my head still hurts, but everything else feels fine, and I'm a bit numb to the other problems. So, it's time to buckle down and get some homework done. Chemistry.. I'm gonna print off a few things that'll help my love and probably me... but I'll wait till he gets home (and we're at Hale) to actually work on it... We work better together. It's due tomorrow... so if it doesn't get done at Hale, it'll have to be done tonight... ugh.
So... for now it's the endless chapters of Music stuff. Not too bad, I like music... but learning how they make such wonderful sounds almost ruins it... so I don't pay very good attention to what I read... I just kinda rad it paragraph by paragraph, playing games between each part. I know, it's bad... but one) I work better when distracted and two) I really don't care about this class.... sad... I know... but it's a general ed class. I want to get to my biology!
Well, I'm in a good mood, feelin a bit lonely, waitin till 5:30ish... Gabby my only source of company (the grandparents are out) but she's just sitting under my feet, making sure I don't leave her again. (Poor dog needs to realize that I'm not going to leave her forever)
More to come I'm sure....
Quote of the day:" The modern Little Red Riding Hood, reared on singing commercials, has no objection to being eaten by the wolf."

And the time flows like a glacier...

Glaciers like to move slowly... wow what a thought... Sometimes they slip and slide... not a whole lot...most of the time they stay really slow...
I'm bored, I'm tired... and I just want Jay.. (I know... such a different feeling for me) The first part of the day time slid on past, I was busy and happy... now, as the last leg of the day has come.. time seems to have stopped... click click click.. I feel like I'm actually counting the seconds between the clicks on the clock!!! I swear a second has become five. Half an hour left... Ugh... really an hour cause he actually has to make it home...
Well, tonight will be long anyway, I'm sure. They only thing we have left to do on Mondays at Hale is Audience Watch... so I et to be separated all night long. Somehow we have to fit in doing our chemistry lab homework (oh and the actual class homework... HA!) Just not very exciting. I wish Tuesday would stop slipping it's misery into a perfectly okay Monday. As far as Mondays go, today hasn't been too bad.
I'm writing to make the time go by... it's NOT WORKING!!! Silly Mondays... imagine how many other people are looking the clock counting the seconds between the seconds right now... Mondays shouldn't exist. We should never have to have the day after the weekend... but sadly... I don't think that'll happen. Even if we called it Funexcitingnotmondayday it'd still be the day after the weekend. Sigh... weekends spoil me!!!!
Quote of the Day:“We have the wolf by the ears, and we can neither hold him, nor safely let him go. Justice is in one scale, and self-preservation in the other.” Thomas Jefferson

Where have the good times gone?

Nothing seems the same lately. Things have become so regular, so daily, so all the time, that I'm having the hardest time seeing the pleasure in it anymore. Blah! Last night... oh last night... Jay and I had a night that brought me back to the time (however short that was) when we were dating. We took a walk, to the park... watched some movies (and, like when we were dating I fell asleep) well, he woke me up and we... yeah... It was like it was when we were dating... soooo lovely.... SO LOVING!!! why can't things be like that anymore?! It's not like we don't do those things anymore... we take walks all the time, we watch movies and I fall asleep and we yeah. What happened yesterday that made it so special? I miss the newness of everything I guess. Yet, I hate new things.. hate learning the hard way. I love Jay so much, both of us have been so pissy lately (Yes, my time of the month has come... and is back with a vengence after 2 and a half months abscense) I wish I could control my temper... my hormones are all out of whack, and I suppose they will be until we decide that it's safe to take the chance of having a little friend join our party. I just wish that Jay would understand and not get upset with me when I'm having a hard time... He does get upset cause I mope around, or get set off by anything... but I don't mean anything by it... it's just part of my cycle... I have my ournery days... like any woman... but he doesn't really get it. He gets angry... and then we have problems... and then all parties are upset and then we have to make up, which can be harry or not too bad... I'm sorry I'm ranting about Jay... I only get frustrated because I love him so much, or I wouldn't care... I'd just deal with it.
I'm sorry honey if at my time I become a royal pain in the butt. I REALLY DO TRY TO CONTROL IT!! I hate it when y ou get upset... I hate it when I get upset... I miss the time when we were too scared to upset each other for fear of it hurting our new relationship... :D But... there will be good times and bad times. I am still afraid of upsetting you... just because I want to make you proud, and I don't want to argue.... We really need a system... we need to work one out...
Also, can anyone, besides Jay, (he tries, but doesn't like science or believe it really :D) tell me how to reconcile my religious beliefs and my belief and love of the Theory of Evolution. I can't not believe in evolution... I'm a scientist to the heart, and it just makes so much satifactory sense! But how can I not believe in a God who came up and manages this science... the world is just too wonderful and complex to not have a higher power in control!
Jay, you're my bestest friend in the whole world, and my love! Please don't get mad at my rant that I can't really say to your face because I just need a time for you to listen, or read, and not say a word.... now it's your turn... rant about me... please... tell me what to change... try not to get mean, like I tried extremely hard not to do.... and letvme know your feelings!!!!

Evauluation of a teenage mind

She had just had a moment. The tears still coming, she thought about why it had been so bad. She had cast the blame elsewhere during the moment. But it hadn't been the other party's fault, not really. They had just reacted.
No, a large part of the blame was hers to eat, and she knew it. She sighed and let a couple more tears slip out.
Why had she acted like that? How can she expect others to act civilly if she can't muster up the courage to drop it and be nice.
Obviously she wasn't a grown up yet. She doesn't even pretend to be, really. She knows how very dependent she is.... but if she depends on something so much, how could she act like that? The teenage spirit must be still alive and well.
She hates learning things the hard way. It hurts more than a bunch of things, usually.
Then she made a decision, never again... there's no point in acting that way, it didn't get her what she wanted, and it never has. It's time to grow up and behave. She makes a promise to herself... do what you suggested you crazy little girl, count to ten, relax, think about the consequences of your behavior.
I love you Jay
Quote of the Day:"Only the Mountain has Lived long enough to listen objectively to the howl of the wolf."
The quote does tie in

Big down... bigger up

Wow... if anyone saw me yesterday, and what a wreck I happened to be... I PROMISE life is not always like that for me! Yesterday was just one unfortunate incident piled on top of each other one after the other! Holy COW! Luckily for me... I have a wonderful husband who came home early to comfort me after a horrible day. I appreciate that so much. BUT! Today is so much better. I'm feeling optimistic and happy.
So, at about 4:30 this morning I could here rain... I love that sound, it's wonderful (By the way, did anyone else see the lightening last night!?) You may be wondering why I was up at 430 in the morning, well...I think the long day had caught up with me... I digress.
When I went upstairs and looked out the window there was... as if you don't know this already....SNOW! I was really hoping the snow would hold off until fall was done being so pretty. But now that we're here we have to enjoy how very beautiful the snow is. Look at the sun through a snow covered tree. A very impressive sight.
Other updates on Brooke
-My car is working!!!
-My laptop has been repaired and is being shipped!
-I caught Gabby choking on a bone yesterday, she's not dead!
-Brooke and Jay are doing wonderful still
-please if anyone needs help with anything let me know.
I love all of you! SO so so so much!
Quote of the day: "You ought to follow the example of the shunk-tokecha (wolf). Even when he is surprised and runs for his life, he will pause to take one more look at you before he enters his final retreat. So you must take a second look at everything you see."
Ohiyesa

Winter is coming...

Happy November everyone!!
So... today a mood of total apathy has taken hold. I'm extremely tired, and I really don't want to start another week. And, the worst part... there's nothing to be excited about. It's too far away to get all excited about Thanksgiving and the days are there just to repeat themselves. So, I'll be excited for the one thing that I will make my day everyday... 530 when jay comes home, or to class, whichever it is.. Eventually the holiday season will come.... there's only about 25 more days until we're stuck with Christmas music in every store and I'm positive the snow is on it's way.... Just got to get through some boring days to hit the fun ones... I was just spoiled by October..
Anyway... everyone be happy!!!!
Quote of the Day: "The wolf's clear, intelligent eyes brushed mine. The wolf is gentle-hearted. Not noble, not cowardly, just nonfighting."
~ Lois Crisler, 1958

My Packmates Save the Day once again!

Well, so far today (Which I was so excited about because we're gunna carve our pumpkin tonight gosh darn it!) has been extremely frustrating. Well it all started when I got off with the phone with Jay and read my email. The Graduation Office had emailed me and said I was all set to Graduate. Then my very next email told me that no, they were wrong. I am off one elective credit. Honestly I was outraged because I have been to an academic adviser every freakin semester and the last one said that after this semester I was set! So I decided that since I knew that if I waited till after class it would ruin my class (I know myself, I'd worry all through class) I'd risk being late and go see an academic adviser. Well, he found the problem... whoever was in charge of my transcript messed and doubled one of my classes, and if you switched things around and added everything up, I was exactly one credit off! The adviser told me that my one chance at not spending another semester at SLCC was to Appeal to a lady for Graduation with one less credit hour! So, a close to tears (I'm kind of emotional person right now (darn birth control)) asked when the lady would be in..... 12:30... sigh
So, I went to fill my mug, I needed a wild cherry pepsi, poor girl at the counter probably thought I was gunna have a break down. Then, I went out to my car to drive across campus to my class (With plenty of time to spare) I called Jay to help calm myself down... it helped make me feel better. Big surprise (not really) my car didn't start! Ugh... Well, knowing that it would be dumb to get it jumped and then stop it for class, I walked across campus... just barely making it in time for a quiz. I worried through the first part of class, then I realized something that calmed me down a bit.... I don't need an associates.... I really don't. I can transfer to Weber without it, I got y general ed classes done! That helped. After class I called Grandpa to see if he could come help me get my car started... no, he was busy.... but my very wonderful aunt Carrie was there and she came and saved me! We tried very hard, with some help from our cars' manuals and Jay, to get my car running. No dice.... BUT! I am still extremely thankful to CArrie for coming out! Thank you you beautiful person.... you turned my day around.
So, we drove home where I switched cars and grandpa and I were headed back to the school.
Fortunately the car started, and, so I could keep my engine running a bit, I drove up to have lunch with Jay... Ahhh heaven in an hour!!! He bought me a pint of ice-cream and listened to my troubles (like he always does) I left happy and much more optimistic about the day. And my car started. I went back to talk to the lady....
I waited for half an hour and finally a guy named Gary Coleman (who actually recognized me from a past visit!) helped me out. He told me the same thing as before, except he gave me hope.. He told me that there were December classes I could take that would give me my credit.. Seeing my displeasure he suggested something else... I could take my classes at Weber and then send SLCC my transcript... After that semester at Weber, SLCC would be able to send me a certificate because I'd have enough credits! SWEET!!! But he also suggested I talk to that same lady to try and appeal so I could get m certificate this semester... he suggested mentioning and stressing the mistake made on my transcript and the lack of attention that was paid to it. THEN!!!! He actually helped me set up an appointment with her... WOW!!!! Thank you guy who actually helped me (I thought Gary Coleman was the grill guy?) Then my car started
SO!!!! They day was turned around by my loving caring pack.
Wolves bring meat to their young helpless pups.... Always living for their youth...
They also bring food to old or injured wolves...
Take care of your pack... I'm grateful for mine...
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Wolves may feature in our myths, our history and our dreams, but they have their own future, their own loves, their own dreams to fufil."
~ Anthony Miles

Great weekend, Back to the Grind

AWOOOOwoowoowoowoo. In the words of the famous Gabby......
Sigh, this weekend was awesome! (Aside from spilling hot chocolate on my new laptop, which is getting repaired hopefully as we speak) It was all I thought it'd be and more. Very relaxing, exactly what was needed to clam my nerves. Thanks guys for making my weekend SWEET!!!!
I've been talking to a friend from High School this morning... She's having my troubles... School is just getting to the point of killing us... It's not that it's hard... It's tiring... WE WANT TO RELAX> So much school is making me hate what I chose to major in because looking ahead, it's only getting harder. Most of my future classes is going to require labs and independent research. Which sucks, cause Brooke will have no life. AND SHE JUST WANTS HER HUSBAND!!!! Anything that takes away from our time together is the ENEMY! I'm thinking that might lead to a lighter load once I start being buried in labs... cause I gotta have a life. I'm not giving up because it's too hard, (that would kill my pride) but I'm thinking lightening the amount of classes I take will at least give me the time I need with Jay to keep from going insane. Especially cause labs are like 3 hours long and if I have too many they'll have to be at night. I would like some opinions on this though, if you wouldn't mind.... Being stressed makes me extremely emotional.
ANYWAY!! This Friday should also prove to fun because it's HALLOWEEN!!! And I refuse to do homework once J gets home! lol I love Halloween... and we're gunna watch movies all night (after going trick or treating, is Carrie and Jayde coming?) lol I'm going to be a pirate wench... yay!
I'm happy because the hard part of the week is over!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!
Quote of the Day: " "It never troubles the wolf how many the sheep may be."
~ Virgil, Aeneid

A weekend with my Pack!

Finally, the weekend we have all been waiting for has come, well, nearly enough anyway! I can't wait to spend the next two days (wow even tonight with Jay's pack) with my favorite people! This weekend has always been a blast!!!!!!!! I'm so excited... I feel so comfortable around these people and we always talk about very interesting, or sometimes stupid... things! It's very relaxing... And on Sunday I get to scare the crap out of myself at lagoon... I wonder why that's so much fun... Ahhh... I'm content... there's a dog at my feet, a kitten at my keyboard a ferret in my lap, and a husband in my heart. AND NOTHING WILL RUIN THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad Dan gets to come, but I think it's silly they have to leave early....
ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love to all... we can be nuts today!!!! And I'm in the mood for CHILI!!!
I feel like I've been caged these past 2 months or so... I get so depressed when I'm tethered to the routine of daily life. I don't like big changes, but I do like variation... and Hey, a big change thrown in wouldn't kill me.. it'd give me new things to think about. People shouldn't be caged in there homes, or their jobs or their schooling... We at least shouldn't think of it that way... But we do, and it's really hard not to. At least God opens the cage every now and again and lets us out to have some fun... But then the devil throws us right back in. And there's nothing God can do until we die, and then him and Jesus is going to plead our case for judgment.. if we haven't been good with our free time we gotta go back to the cage. But if we have, we're free forever! (okay that was a really odd little side not for me... I'm really not a religious person....) I've had my Jay thrown in the cage with me (yay!) but still... now I'm excited to break free!!!! I get to have some fun..
Quote of the Day: "Wolves housed in cages which are far too small, are still among the most pitiful of all caged animals."
~ Conrad Lorenz, King Solomon's Ring, 1952

The Hard Part of the Week is Over!

Only one more chemistry class this week! No lab till next week! Pam's Party is COMING! Cheer up everyone.... LOL! Lagoon on Sunday... you can't plan a better weekend!
Me and Jay are gunna have to do some homework during Pam's party, but that's not too bad... it'll be a good weekend! I can't wait...
I'm listening to Anything Goes... golly those were the days. I miss High School, I wasn't afraid to get involved... now I just don't want to drown because I'm so busy... But Junior year rocked! And Sophomore and Senior years
What is it about music that entrances us? What makes us wait with so much anticipation for the next note... or the next, oh so satisfying chord progression. Some scientists say that people like music because it gives the brain a satisfaction to hear the notes progress in an organized way, for it to connect the dots. It's gotta be more! What about the chill that floods down your back when you hear something that, to you, is musical ecstasy. It's what I call musical bigness... it's the only way I can describe it... I don't know if a composer knows just how to get that reaction, or if he is just as surprised, and excited, when he receives the small chill of a great sound... I wonder if there is an exact chord procession that produces that result... if so... I never want to find it out... I love the surprise and I never want to be able to explain it... It's too wonderful!
I can't think right now (I'm still sic and out of it) But if anything else comes into my mind, I'll post it....
Quote of the Day: "They say the wolf bestows its happy spirit to help people. Women who obtain this spirit become skilled in creative endevours and experience a strengthening of the senses. I would like to think there is some truth to this in my own life."
~ Judi Rideout

Sick, Tired, and Goofy

Yesterday was a blur. I felt so sick, and all I wanted to do is cuddle in bed. Thanks to my lovely husband I was able to do just that! For a little bit anyway... the we went to the doctor (I HATE DOCTORS) and got some drugs to keep me happy. ;) Then Jay went off to work, I cried a little cause I wanted him to hold me all day... But, he needed to work. And I tried to do my homework. Five minutes later I was asleep and I slept till he came home. We went to work at Hale, which is a big blur...I know I didn't do the concessions counter, but who knows what I did...
LOL!
Ummm then I remembered I had a paper do today... so I got to it... I looked at it this morning and found a couple of odd phrases like ummm, and I don't know.... and even a who cares....
LOL!
I'm feeling a bit better today.... which is good cause I HAVE to go to chemistry tonight...

A Day at the ZOO

Today me and some of my pack went to the zoo! I love the zoo, it gives me opportunity to see animals that I'll probably never have the chance to see in the wild. Especially since some of them are so endangered and near extinction!
Anyway, it as a lot of fun! There was a wild cats show, they brought in an Amor (Siberian) Tiger to show us some of their training methods.
I loved spending time with my brother, cousin, and grandparents. All of the animals were up and active because it was a cool day!
Also! I got to do something I'll never get to do again. I got to ride a wolf!
LOL... okay it was on a carousel, but STILL it was awesome!

TURNING!!!!!

My day has completely turn around....
First. I, unlike my sweet cousin, asked Jay if I could call him...
I said I loved him, he said he loved me. *Boom* we both feel better.
2, Rocky Mountain Power said that they would reissue the lost check on Nov. 3....(dorks)
3, Advanced Critical Research sent me a check (totally unexpected, I was thinkin 3 more months) for $75!!!!!!!! This replaces the lost check, but that check is still comin!!!!!
So, this does a couple of tings for me....

1. It renews my faith in some higher power watching over me, and... loving me.
For some reason I have the hardest time believing that God loves me.... I know he's there... the world is just to vast and wonderful and amazing for that... (God has a sense of humor too, look at the ferrets) but, he's one busy fella... Obviously though.... someone up there cares about the welfare of me and Jay....We've had to many saves for there not to be... We're definitely paying our tithing this month :D
To clarify with all of you who didn't think I even believed in God.... I believe that God controls science... I believe that God created man in his own image, from monkeys... Evolution is there!!! God just pokes it along...

2. It cheers up my husband! SWEET!!! He needs to be cheered up. We're gunna go to his FAVORITE CHINESE place tonight to celebrate! YAY CHINA DELIGHT!!!! I'm so excited... this also gives us something to look forward to after chemistry tonight...

3. It changes my mood, which makes Gabby happy... which is important

4. It makes Grandma and Grandpa think that I'm ot just a depressed person and know that I'm happy with my Hubby...

5. It turns my DAY around... Started out crummy, with my pessimism.... NOW, I'm quite happy... thank you very much!


Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts (however jumbled they may be) and being my support.... I love you all!!!!

I forgot: Quote of the Day:
"Perhaps it was the eyes of the wolf, measured, calm, knowing.
Perhaps it was the intense sense of family.
After all, wolves mate for life, are loyal partners, create hunting communities
and demonstrate affectionate patience in pup rearing.
Perhaps it was the rigid hierarchy of the packs.
Each wolf had a place in the whole and yet retained his individual personality.
Perhaps it was their great, romping, ridiculous sense of fun.
Perhaps it was some celestial link with the winter night skies
that prompted the wolf to lay his song on the icy air.
For the native people who lived with the wolves,
and the wolves once ranged from the Arctic to the sub-tropics,
there was much to learn from them.
Is it any wonder that the myths of many tribes characterize the wolves
not as killers but as teachers?"
~ Unknown

This Week

What do you need to know about this week, that'll sum it up..... I have a rash that started on a very sensitive part of my body and is spreading to the rest. Can't afford to go to the doctor....
I've had 2 tests so far.... sucked BOTH of them up.... one more to come....
Jay's been sick, I'm catching it.... I lost a check for 60 dollars.... Jay's really trying to be nice about it.....Gabby won't jump through the hoop me and gram spent all week trying to get because she's scared....Me and Jay are on edge...spoils a perfectly good happily beginning day.... not nice... mean things said from both parties....trying to be happy, but just want to cry.... which upsets Jay
Gotta get through

I gotta phone call from my love.... made me feel better today.

Inspirational Music

Thank God for Music that inspires us! Like my good wolf friend Hastings, I was listening to Spirit's Sound the Bugle.... good song by the way.... Lifted my mood quite a bit..
And from on high, somewhere in the distance, there's a voice that calls "Remember Who You Are!"
Feeling Blue?
Listen to your small voice. Remember what makes you you! It'll help as we strive to just be ourselves! If someone wants you to be more than who you are, than they're not looking out for you! My Hubby just wants me to be Brooke-0!

Stressful Times, still in Love

It's Monday again, and you'd think that I'd feel good after a relaxing weekend... think again...
We were so busy that we both got a little upset with each other.... ya da ya da.... I REALLY wish that we could have one stress free weekend together... no work, no homework, no class, no worries.... Hopefully it's coming up... the 24th 25th and 26th.... just keep waiting for that weekend.
In the mean-time, I'll remember how much he means to me, and not let a little problem hurt our relationship... He's my everything! I always forgive him, because he's always working to improve himself...
This semester is a pain, once it's over, things should go better.... Hopefully. Tuesday's lookin scary... chemistry test!!! Ugh, please god give him the mind-set to do well.... me too please!!! I just want to have us both pass, even a C would be heaven! Have a test Wednesday in music, and a test saturday in Tae-Kwon-Do! Why do we always have to take tests to prove our knowledge.... Sometimes, it's just a bad way to prove yourself... GRRRR..., well, what can you do but pray! Maybe study, but that never gets me anywhere, and he doesn't have the time....
Next Semester!
Lookin forward to the end of my favorite month

The Best Things in Life

The best things in life come from your pack. Because of the hard days we all go through (no matter what you do) we often think that we are not getting the best out of life. We think we're to busy. Sometimes we are. Whether we have the time or not, we all need to stop and enjoy the best things in life. Life doesn't seem so bad once we stop and think about what makes us happy. It's usually something very simple.
My favorite thing to do is to cuddle with my honey-bear. Just sitting there in his arms is enough to make the rest of the day livable. We cuddle every morning and every night. He cuddles me when I'm not feeling very good, or when I'm sad. Nothing makes me happier and I can't wait till bedtime every day because sleep only comes after some cuddles. Some days we get in some extra cuddling when there's time to watch TV, or when there's a little time before we have to go to Hale.

The smell of rain always brings a smile to me face. It feels like all the bad has been washed away for just a few moments and the fresh clean smell of the rain fills the world, making optimism possible.

When I come home from wherever I've been I am always greeted by a jumping mass of fur. It feels great to be loved so much, even if it's slightly painful being pushed to the ground by a very excited Gabby.

I get the same thrill whenever my husband walks through the door.

Included in my list of happy things is reading, listening to thunder, watching the birds play outside, and bubble baths.

Cool October mornings are the best time to take a walk and reflect on what makes you happy.
All of these things are easy to take for granted, they're normal, everyday things, so simple, but so beautiful. I'm thankful for every one.

Quote of the Day: "Anyone who has ever heard it when the land was covered with a blanket of snow and elusively lighted by shimmering moonlight, will never forget the strange, trembling wolf cry." ~ Unknown

Happiness Starts With A Smile

Lately everyone has been a little depressed. And really, who could blame them? The economy is buckling, there are daily stories of murders and robberies, and summer seems to be finally ending.
But, I've also noticed that everyone is just trying to make the most of things. Trying to change their perspective so that they can be happy.
Great idea!!! It's time for everyone to smile. A wonderful goal for the world would be to have everyone smiling all in one moment. Sounds hard, but maybe one day our world leaders will get together and plan it out.... :D... see it's not that hard... kinda like Christmas...
For now, I've got a plan. Whenever we see a frown (from a stranger or a close friend) we should do our best to make eye contact and give them the brightest smile we can muster... There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes all that it takes to turn my day around is a smile from a complete stranger. And smiles are contagious. Smile at someone walking down the hall, and soon the whole hallway will be showing their pearly whites...
Sometimes you might get a strange look. hat's okay. That person just isn't getting enough smiles lately.
Also, try not to end your day on a bad note. If you've been fighting with your hubby, or friend, or ferret, make sure you say you love them before you nod off. The situation doesn't have to be resolved (sometimes it's better just to go to sleep, stupid things can be said when you're tired) just tell them that you love them so they don't spend the whole night wondering.
Love mankind, look out for the welfare of everyone and not just yourself. That's the reason our economy is in the hole!
Consider the other person's perspective.... If a person is depressed saying stuff like "Why are you never happy!" Will not HELP!! Just be as supportive as you can. I know it gets tough. But if that person needs you try your best to just be there for them. Really that's what they need at the moment until they can find a way to sort out their problems...
Love everyone as if they belong to your extended pack! Remember that you shouldn't betray your pack if it just benefits you. Packs don't fight over leaders if there is plenty of food to go around.
Quote of the Day: "The wolf is neither man's competitor nor his enemy. He is a fellow creature with whom the earth must be shared."
~ L. David Mech

Howling For My Pack Mate

It's sad, but true. I miss Jay everyday when he goes to work. I constantly think of him and only him. It's insane that I miss him so much, I know that. I see him every day! I know better, but I just feel so lonely when he's not here.
He's really the only one (okay Brandy nearly beats him here) who knows me, and knows my thoughts. Not wanting to offend, I don't usually say everything that's on my mind to anyone else (Except maybe Brandy, when she's around)
Jay's depressed too. Not about being married to me, thankfully, :), no.. He's tired of being where he is. We're very busy, and it's hard. Getting back to school is hard for him, especially because of chemistry. I think, like me, he just wants to get a career started, something he'd enjoy. Instead of being stuck in an office wasting away all day long. As he thinks of it. I'm very proud of Jay for working for us. He's my hero.
So... every day as he drives away a small tear that I couldn't hold back seeps out. It's not fair! I'm a stronger woman than this. But this guy has me pegged! Which I suppose is a good thing. The problem is dealing with being lonely for the majority of the day!
For now we have lunches together, which is bad thing because it's a waste of gas... NOT A WASTE to me. I love every moment I'm with him.
But next semester I head off to Weber State, just for the days. It scares me.... I want to enjoy school, but the incredible loneliness swallows me up. I'm afraid of the strangers I will meet every day on the bus. Everyone has their own story, most never will hurt anyone, most.
I've always been afraid of meeting new people. I don't know why, but I hate it. Sadly, it's a reason I'm so dependent on the people I know. Something I need to change. Lunches with Jay will soon end. Cheaper, but depressing.
Maybe I need help. I know I need to get out of my shell, but I'd prefer not too. I hate changes...
Guess it's something I'll have to get over, missing my Jay. Eventually I'll be able to get through a day without missing Jay, hopefully not....
I love Jay
Quote of the Day:“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack."
~ Rudyard Kipling

Life with Ferrets

Sometimes people (especially my family) make really random choices. One of those choices was deciding to get a ferret. Sox.....It may have seemed like an odd decision, but I believe that Sox was the best investment we ever made. Having a ferret totally changes what you think is funny. This is a picture of him in his New Halloween Costume. Yawning... ferrets are always yawning. They sleep at least 18 out of the 24 hours in a day.




Because of out good friend Sox, we have "invested" in 4 more ferrets. Each one of them has his/her own personality. And each of them makes my heart glow with each new funny hour of the day when we play.
Smallest to largest we have Moose, Patch, Sox, Charlie, and Doozer. Doozer and Charlie are the youngest, but they're the fattest!!!! If you go anywhere near the cage (you have to sneak up on them though, or they'll all come and look pathetic) Charlie is eating, Doozer is sleeping on the litter covered floor, Sox and Patch are huddled together on the carpeted floor and Moose is usually curled underneath one of those two.
The ferrets play very well with the other pets, it's always interesting to see the maybe 4 inch tall Sox tackling the 3 foot Gabby. Very hardy creatures, but the dogs make sure to be as gentle as they possibly can, but I don't think I'd let then play without supervision.
The ferrets are awesome with people. Our ferrets do not bite, they're absolute cuddle-bums. Sometimes they thow Hissy fits over a treat they shouldn't have (Chocolate, Licrorice) and make some pretty scary noises when we try to take them away. But they've never hurt anybody.
Inshort, ferrets are great pets and I just HAD to brag about my fuzzy-family. (More to come on the other pets.) I feel like all of my pets are part of my family. (My pack)
Now... just a little on the people who abuse their pets, or the people who believe that God does not love his animals as much as he loves us. Or the scientists who claim that our animals do not have feelings. You are all idiots... Seriously. They do have a personality, and the people who say they don't have souls, or that they don't have feelings, just make me so angry. How can you say they don't feel. I get home and Gabby practically knocks me over because she's so happy to see me. She also knows fear and I think she feels safer with me and Jay than she ever has before... I know Gabby feels. Neco was ashamed of herself every time she had an accident or tore up something that was just to irresistable. She would try to hide under the bed because she knew she'd get in trouble. (And that's impressive because she was a great dane)
Anyway, take care of your pets people, they're part of your family!
Quote of the Day:"Now the hungry lion roars,
And the wolf behowls the moon."
~ Shakespeare

Falling down the Stairs

Well, I knew it would happen soon. I fell down the stinkin stairs! I think I messed up my back too. But I have to much pride to tell Grandma, so SHHHH! Golly I'm a clumsy oaf sometimes. :D Oh well, guess it happens to everyone. Kinda hurts to walk, but at least I can ay?

So, I bought a new book online Wolves at Our Door. It's an awesome book. If anyone is interested in reading it (ha ha) let me know. It's a really short book and there are some pretty awe-inspirng pictures. My favorite wolf in there is Lakota. I always like the Omega wolves. Motaki is another cool wolf.

THIRD DAY OF OCTOBER!!!!!!! yay. Still Fall Break but it isn't very fun because I'm kinda sittin here alone. Jayde is here and so is Carrie, so that's cool. Tomorrow ought to be better because we don't have Tae-Kwon-Do and me and Jay can hang out before work! Hee!!!!
Did I mention I like Zelda!!!! I LOVE ZELDA!!! Video games keep me relaxed if I'm stressed out. And I'm always stressed out for some strange reason. This has been a really random post, sorry about that!
Wow, that debate last night, that was really interesting. Though I'm still for Obama, my repect for Palin rose a bit. Still think she's an idiot, and that she doesn't have enough experience to run the country in case McCain dies, but she's not as big of an idiot. By the way, she supports the aerial hunting of wolves. (evil and inhumane) SO she has no chance for my vote.
Quote of the Day: "There are, of course, several things in Ontario that are more dangerous than wolves. For instance, the step-ladder."
~ J.W. Curran

Society is failing in a way that wolves can't understand

Today on the morning news there was a story about an old woman who had received a knock on the door. It were three men who said they would pull her weeds for money. She agreed. A little later they knocked on her door again, stabbed her, and pistol whipped her. They stole her big-screen tv and other valuables.
My car radio faceplate was stolen about a month ago. Not much you can do with that except sell it. Jerk. Thanks for making my faith in people drop from trusting and hopeful to not even close to optimistic.
I just wanna say, how! How! HOW!!
How can anyone do such an inhumane thing to another human being! How can anyone do such a thing to anything! It's horrible. The news is just getting worse and worse too. We hear of kinds of robberies, rapes, murders, and assault on the news! Has life gotten so bad that it's now man eat man? It's horrible. One of the most depressing times of my day is when I hear of things like that. I think that people who could do such a thing really need to look at what exactly they are doing. Would a man want HIS daughter raped, or murdered, or both. I think we need to look at the value of other people's lives! C'mon people, HOW!!!!!!!??????????
You can't say society has gone to the dogs, because not even dogs act like this. I swear, some of these people think it's fun to do this, or make a living out of it! Wolves only kill what they need to survive. They may profit at others' expense, but that's the way they survive. Humans can get a job. Sorry. If you're gunna steal, steal food! That's the only thing that I can even partially forgive for. There's should be no other reason for stealing other than surviving. And really, that shouldn't be allowed either.

Quote of the Day: "To look into the eyes of a wolf is to see your own soul - hope you like what you see."
~ Aldo Leopold

Ok ok. Now for a happy moment after all of you are depressed to the point of never reading this blog again!!!! It's October! Best month of the year. I'm so excited for Halloween!!! Jay and I want to be Peter Pan and Captain Hook!!!!
There's the vice-presidential debate tonight!! That ought to be as funny as watching a dog chase it's tail. We'll be doing chemistry homework while watching. (Sorry, another depressing note) :D
I really do LOVE life!!! I love Jay, I love my family, I love the rain, the sun, the crisp mornings of Utah! I love MOUNTAINS!!! Look at them in the morning folks, they're a pretty sight during sun-rise!

School

We all know that we're constantly learning. I HATE IT!!! Because you're always learning the hard way. The human mind is so bull headed that it never seems to understand that it's not always (NEVER!) right. Sigh... And the way we humans have decided to remedy this is to create something called school.
School, not only does it not stop us from learning the hard way, it makes life harder. Maybe my statement is a little harsh... I love learning. I really do. I feel very happy sitting in a classroom learning new things. But that's when it's not being shoved down my throat, and I'm not stressed out about trying to understand. That's why I love history, the only thing that matters in that class to me is to listen and learn. I don't have to freak out about a quiz that's coming, or how I'm going to fail in my career because I don't understand. People ask why school is so hard for some people. There it is in a nutshell. We don't want to fail, and therefore it is hard. We panic because something doesn't click, and in certain classes if one thing doesn't click, you're in trouble. It's sad, and unless you get a good teacher (and I'm talking grade school too) you'll never catch up.

Also, I really just want to start my life, I'm soo tired of school.'Oh well, 2 more years....

If you're having my troubles, Look at it this way: At least you're not a wolf. Making mistakes or not being able to learn in a wolf's environment usually means death.

----> that's how I feel somedays


Quote of the Day: "We humans fear the beast within the wolf because we do not understand the beast within ourselves." ~ Gerald Hausman

Fall Has Come

Fall has to be one of my favorite times of the year. One of the most breathtaking features of this world is the wonderful colors of fall. I can't wait to get up into the mountains to see the leaves change. Unfortunately, life is impossibly busy right now, so the only time I think I'll be able to is when we go up to Huntsville for Pam's party.

Pam's Party. An annual rendezvous for our extended pack. All of us get together to talk and watch movies and to just have family time. I LOVE IT!!!! We've had our Halloween Party every year since I can remember, and that's at least 15 years. :D Sigh, I can't wait, but.. it isn't even October yet.

I miss being a young pup... Nothing to worry about, every day filled with fun things that come from no where but our imaginations... Wonderful times.

Young Wolves Eventually Leave Thier Pack

Young wolves will eventually tire of not being alpha and will leave to start their own life. They, with any luck, will find a mate and start their own pack.

Sounds familiar doesn't it.....

I did the same thing. I found that the world is not fun without the support of pack, or any other wolves. You meet other wolves out there, but they are hostile because they protect their territory and their own. Sad, but true. A person needs someone to lean on, to be a companion that they can always count on.

I found one... Meet JayMy perfect partner. Together we conquer the troubles of our daily lives. We're a pair of young adults, so MANY of mistakes are made. Some times there is tension, but we love each other soooo much. Nothing will ever separate us!
Unfortunately, not all of my previous pack like Jay... which is very sad. Okay let's say some of my "extended" pack members don't like Jay. My VERY extended family. I never see them anyway, so it doesn't really matter. :D Most of my family do seem to like Jay. That's great.

Quote of the DAY: "I've always said that the best wolf habitat resides in the human heart. You have to leave a little space for them to live."
~ Ed Bangs

The Beginning Wolves and Families

Hello my fellow Wolves,

Odd greeting? Not so much. If you know anything about wolves, other than the fairy tail BS we hear from our childhoods, then you know that their pack consist of their families. There is a pack hierarchy to keep order within the family. You have the alpha wolves who are allowed breeding rights, the right to eat first (usually they eat after the pups though), and ones who get to mark highest when posting scent marks. Then there are the Beta wolves. These wolves usually end up babysitting puppies when the pack goes to hunt. They're next in command. Lastly, there are omega wolves. Lowest in pack rank. You may think that these wolves must lead a miserable life. But an omega wolf holds some important responsibilities. Wolves, like people, need to blow off steam every once in a while. The omega wolves are wolves that everyone can pick on if they must. Usually alpha wolves control how much beatings an omega wolf gets. Omega wolves are also the wolves who like to initiate play. This binds the pack closer. Wolves need their omega, and they are just as loved as any other wolf in the pack. Packs cry for days when any wolf dies.

I've found that the hierarchy in a typical family closely resembles the wolf pack. There are the alphas, our parents. Allowed to breed, they make the rules. Then the older children usually get the rank of Beta leaving the younger children as the omegas. Sometimes this gets really messed up. For example, my little brother Steven is definitely the alpha among the children, if not the alpha of the whole pack. It's amazing how much like wolves people really are. As will be posted later.

Quote of the Day: "Throw me to the wolves because there's order in the pack."
~ Red Hot Chili Peppers